Take Time to Realize
by beautymarksandbroadway
Summary: Set in "Special Education" Rachel see's something she's not sure she wanted to.
1. Chapter 1

With Sam and Quinn singing _time of our lives, _the curtains slowly went up revealing the crowd. The lights were blinding but I could still see people or at least make out the outlook of them. I stepped side to side singing the background vocals with the rest of the club. I was still pretty I didn't get A solo I clearly deserve, NOT ken and Barbie. I smiled bigger as I thought of how none of this will matter when I'm on Broadway. I ran my eyes over the crowd; I felt my breath get stuck in my throat. I knew that silhouette all too well, the curly dark hair and the cocky grin none other than Jesse St. James always had on.

He couldn't be here. He's in California I mean honestly why would he be here? He did all of his damage to me last year so he could go to ULCA. It must have been an hallucination. I walked over to santanna and Britney, Britney and I had to help Santana get her little head piece on. I smiled as we helped her put it on. The song was coming close to the first verse so I shut the little clip on her head piece fast and Britney sent her off with a pat on her butt.

"Great Job Guys!" Mr. Shuester greeted us as we filed back into the room we came from before we went on stage; the little room erupted with claps and hollers. I smiled knowing we could have done so much better if I had a solo. "Good job Barbie" santanna said looking over at Quinn. Quinn sighed. "I guess that's a compliment coming from you, thanks" she smiled turning her attention back to Sam. I sat by myself on the couch playing with my dress. After the whole Santanna thing, Finn and I haven't exactly made up.

I held my breath and gripped my other hand tightly. "In third place we have the hipsters!" he announced as the audience clapped. I looked over at and nodded knowing now we have a better chance. I took Mercedes hand and gripped it as she gripped mine. "And now the winner of this year's West Central Sectionals is… It's a tie" he smiled "Congratulations your all going to the regionals!" he smiled as the audience clapped for us and the warblers. We clapped loudly for ourselves on stage and I hugged the first person I found. Which was Finn. "We get to go on" he smiled

We all stood huddled around the piano with the trophy resting in artie's lap. "Well I know we've had our dramas this week, but our family is back in a happy place and I think we should celebrate the best way we know how, so Rachel how would you like the solo?" I looked up caught off guard. "Thanks but I don't really feel like a solo right now I'd like to defer it this week to the un-sung hero's Mercedes and Tina"

After everyone piled out of the auditorium I sat down on the edge of the stage letting my feet dangle off the edge. As much as I wanted it to be a hallucination, I knew it wasn't. But still I had no real idea why he would be here, in Ohio, watching that sectionals, he could have gone to any other one to check on the competition if he really wanted to. Because obviously Vocal Adrenaline must still mean something in his life because there's no other reason for him to have watched and scoped out the competition. But a small voice in the back of my mind kept saying there might be another reason. A reason I refused to even consider. _Me_


	2. Chapter 2

Christmas. I didn't really care for it since I am Jewish and all. But Finn does and I kind of want him back. I mean it wasn't my fault he slept with Santana, and then lied about being a virgin. I tugged on the ends of the bow and passed the finished box down to artie.I stole a glance at Finn who was happily decorating the tree, his goofy lopsided grin showing proudly on his face. Brittany and Mike glided together as the rest of us sang Christmas songs. I looked up and saw Lauren was now wrapping presents next to me. I smiled at her.

I walked over to help put the last touches on the tree. "Hey guys what's this?" I looked over and saw standing there. "Oh we're trying to get into the Christmas spirit . Christmas is totally my favorite holiday" he smiled as I stole another quick glance at him. "Check out this awesome tree I found it on the side of the road it must have fall off some guy's car" he smiled proudly "and the ornaments? Mr. Schue asked again. "The guy who lives next door finally killed off his elderly mother, when they carted him off they left the house like wide open so, I think she was a holiday hoarder." Santana told him nonchalantly. "Uh and the presents?" he asked looking down. "I lifted them from a display at the mall, but don't worry they're empty" puck told him. "Look guys I appreciate the effort but this isn't what Christmas is about, it's about being with your family and enjoying each other and being grateful for what you have".

A few of us were putting little touches on the tree. I slowly let my eyes graze over to Finn. "Would you mind meeting me in the auditorium tomorrow at four?" I asked him. He cocked an eyebrow up. "Uh sure" he told me.

It was perfect. This song will do everything I need it to. Finn will realize how much he misses me and apologize and preach his love to me. Perfect. The fake snow was shuffled around the stage, fake colorful trees were placed haphazardly, and the band was warming up. "Now remember it has to be lush and romantic" I smiled looking at Finn who was now on the stage with me. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Why?" he asked me "Because I'm very specific when I give a gift" I told him as he walked towards me. "So do you like my winter wonderland?" I asked him smiling up at him. "Well-"he said looking around. "-I don't really like artificial Christmas trees I like real ones and they smell amazing that's kind of the whole point" he told me. I smiled. "Right" I agreed with him. "Anyway-"I told him picking up the box on the stool. "Merry Christmas" I told him holding out the box to him. "Being a Jew I don't generally give out Christmas gifts but considering how much you care about the holiday I figured I make an exception- just read it" I told him as he fiddled with it. "The bearer of this note is entitled to one song with Rachel berry's choosing to him or her with love" he read out loud emotionlessly "come sit" I told him motioning to the stool. "I don't think so, I know what you're trying to do and it's not gonna work" he told me. "Not letting me apologize is not going to work" I whispered. "I let you apologize plenty and I know Christmas is supposed to be about forgiveness but I'm not ready to forgive you so please stop trying to make me" and with that he walked away.

"Should we like leave?" a band player asked me. I frowned. "No, whether it's a heart attack or heartbreak the show must go on" I told him as the band played the first notes of _merry Christmas darling. _

I wiped the tears from my eyes and went to my locker seeing I forget my world studies homework in it. I walked over to my locker; I had stuck a gold star on the number bar at the top of it. I grasped my lock, 23 left 45 right 67 left. The lock clicked open opening my locker and a note fluttered out. I looked at it with question. Who would send me a note all of the glee clubbers have my number in case they need help with any assignments of vocal help, Finn pretty much hates me right now, so it leaves no one, except my creepy stalker Jacob that kid needs to stalk someone else or find a hobby. I slowly bent over to pick up the note. I turned it over there was a gold star holding the note closed. Hm. I carefully slid the star off and opened the note.

_I've just one wish_

_On this Christmas Eve_

_I wish I were with you _

_P.s I would have gladly accepted. _


	3. Chapter 3

"Yeah she wants to shoot Brittany out of the cannon" Santana scoffed while Brittany sat next to her playing with her skirt. "That's insane" Mercedes Commented. "Yeah I know its like-"she stopped midsentence. "Artie!" Tina said as everyone including myself directed our attention towards him as he wheeled himself in covered in red slush. Brittany rushed over to him. "That was awful" he breathed still obviously wounded by his first slushy facial. "That's it, Screw rehearsal this ends now" Finn grunted out. "We're gonna go all thunder dome on those guys" puck agreed. The rest of the football players walked close behind. A curly haired jock walked in with a group of varsity jacketed guys behind him "So this is what the lady's lounge looks like from the inside" he laughed looking around. They exchanged some mindless batter before coach beast walked in.

The room erupted with voices. "What!" "Hell to the nah!" "No way!" "There is no way I'm sharing the choir room with a known homophobe" I said looking over at the bully that chased Kurt away. "I don't disagreed with you guys but coach beast and I think it's time to let the football team know what we really do in here, so Rachel and puck you've guys have been working on something right?" he asked "Fine as offended as I am their presence here I won't let anything get in the way of a performance" I scoffed at them as I got up.

_Picture perfect memories_

_Scattered all around the floor_

_Reaching for the phone 'cause_

_I can't fight it anymore_

_And I wonder if I_

_Ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one_

_I'm all alone_

_And I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call_

_But I've lost all control_

_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how_

_I can do without_

_I just need you now_

_Another shot of whiskey_

_Can't stop looking at the door_

_Wishing you'd come sweeping_

_In the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I_

_Ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one_

_I'm a little drunk_

_And I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call_

_But I've lost all control_

_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how_

_I can do without_

_I just need you now_

_Whoa, whoa_

_Guess I'd rather hurt_

_Than feel nothing at all_

_It's a quarter after one_

_I'm all alone_

_And I need you now_

_And I said I wouldn't call_

_But I'm a little drunk_

_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how_

_I can do without_

_I just need you now_

_I just need you now_

_Oh baby, I need you now_

"The girl with the Mohawk had a really nice voice" the burly African American jock said. "Oh really man" puck mumbled as he went at them with his guitar, coach beast held him back as the rest of the room came down join the rumble. I started yelling mindlessly at the jocks. Giving them a taste of what they do.

I opened my locker only to see another note, this time with a black star taped to the inside of my locker. The stars were an excellent touch, a personal favorite on my behalf but who's leaving them? I tore the note off the inside of my locker and once again slipped the little star off to preserve it. This one was a little lengthener

_Said I wouldn't call_

_But I've lost all control_

_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how_

_I can do without_

_I just need you now _

_Your performance was Flawless, and I'm sorry you had to share with half a room full of Neanderthals but At least they got a taste of true talent._

I fingered the note between my fingers both of them I have received were quoting the songs I sang. Who is doing this? It was typed so there was no way of matching handwriting up which was a downfall, but both had stars which have to mean something because stars, especially gold stars are my thing. There's no way Shelby would do this she's too busy with the spawn of evil, which came from Quinn. Maybe it was vocal Adrenaline trying to mess with me, again. They are quite devious people and should never be trusted. I sighed giving up and tucked it into my binder. As I shut my locked a thought popped into my head.

I should write back.

I set my stuff down and went to my computer. It was in my locker taped right in the middle; if I leave my note there they are bound to see it. I opened up Microsoft word and started.

_Dear whoever is leaving notes in my locker, _

_I appreciate you recognizing true talent when you see it; you must have an ear for it. Being as I have no clear idea who you are or if there is multiples of you seeing I have had quite some bad luck in the past with certain people I only ask to know your initials. If you have deemed yourself as a secret admirer of your truly, I will accept it. Being if that is true you would probably want to keep your identity a secret with me being in glee club that would damage anyone's reputation easily. So I think your initial is a very reasonable request. And be the way the stars are a Very nice touch. _

_Rachel Berry _

I printed it out on my pink paper. I took my bedazzled scissors and cut the paper in half and folded it in half too. I dug around in my desk until I found star stickers. I peeled one off and stuck it on the note to keep it closed. I looked over at my dresser and decided it needs one more touch. I picked up my perfume and sprayed it with it. I smiled my first note was done and ready to go.


	4. Chapter 4

"Did you deliver it?" I asked hank. He nodded. "Good here and what song did she sing?" I asked him handing a twenty dollar bill out the window of my range rover."Uh sorry seems to be the hardest word Elton john" he told me "thanks by the way for doing this" I told him. "Yeah sure I only knew who Rachel was because I got the solo in that glee club and she got pissed and actually got the teacher fired and it was boring so I quit" he shrugged "sounds like Rachel" I laughed. "I have to go back see you tomorrow" he said as he walked away. I rolled up my window; I wonder if she knows who is sending her the notes yet.

I opened the door to see hank standing there. "Uh hi?" I said. "Hi here she left this in her locker I didn't open it but I'm guessing it's for you or the note leaver" he shrugged. "Thanks see you later" I told him shutting the door on his face not really caring. She sealed it with a star sticker like I've been doing I did gold for her and black for me. It smelled like her, intoxicating. I peeled the little star sticker off and opened the pink note.

_Dear whoever is leaving notes in my locker, _

_I appreciate you recognizing true talent when you see it; you must have an ear for it. Being as I have no clear idea who you are or if there is multiples of you seeing I have had quite some bad luck in the past with certain people I only ask to know your initials. If you have deemed yourself as a secret admirer of yours truly, I will accept it. Being if that is true you would probably want to keep your identity a secret with me being in glee club that would damage anyone's reputation easily. So I think your initial is a very reasonable request. And be the way the stars are a Very nice touch. _

_Rachel Berry _

I knew exactly what she was talking about with "bad luck". It was Me, Shelby, or vocal adrenaline or all three. I guess I could see how she could think this was a prank, but it's not. I ran my fingers over the part about glee club; it was still the bottom of the food chain. And Of course she would ask for a name or something close to it, if I gave mine I have no doubt she would know it's me and probably refuse to read the notes, which she has every right to. What would I give her? I sat down at my computer and opened up a new document.

_What have I got to do to make you love me_

_What have I got to do to make you care _

_P.s My Initials will give me away. And that would ruin the mystery of it all. And I know Gold Stars are you thing. _

_~From __A misunderstood Fool_

I smiled to myself as I printed it. I cut it down to size and folded, only this time I peeled off a black and gold star and stuck them on together.

I handed him a tape recorder. He looked at me. "If you tape her performance today I'll get your forty and here's the note" I told him handing him the note. "Ok see you after school" he said as he walked away from my window. I rolled it up so no one can see me, god forbid one of those other glee clubbers see me and tell Rachel it would ruin everything, because right now timing is all I got.

**Author Note: Sorry it was so short I just thought it needed a little of Jesse's thoughts. And for those of you wondering the "Hank" delivering, retrieving, and tape recording guy is Hank Saunders from the pilot, I thought creating a new character would be kind of imposing. So I used Hank.**


	5. Chapter 5

"So how's things between you and Finn?" Kurt asked across the table, Blaine was next him and Mercedes by me. "Still pretty mad, though every chance I get I am singing every apology song I know, i am planning to win him back and have him begging me with every cell in his body for me back and then-" Mercedes cut me off. "Girl come on" she shook her head at me. I sighed. "I know but on the upside I think I might have a secret admire on my hands" I smiled. Kurt raised his eyebrows at me. "Really how so?" he asked. "well I've been getting notes quoting the songs I've been singing which is weird and they've been tapped inside my locker with a gold star and sometime black keeping it together" I smiled. Kurt eyed me. "The only person that comes to mind is Jacob that creepy Jewish kid who else could get in your locker?" he asked. I sighed. "I don't know but I think the touch of the stars is over his head and plus he hates the color black here I brought one with me I figured this might come up and I thought it would be good to have evidence in case you thought I was lonely, or was trying sending them to myself" I breathed out laying the note on the table.

_What have I got to do to make you love me_

_What have I got to do to make you care _

_P.s My Initials will give me away. And that would ruin the mystery of it all. And I know Gold Stars are you thing. _

_~From __A misunderstood Fool_

They all took turns reading it, even Blaine. "A misunderstood fool?" he asked me. I shrugged. " I don't know but they are meant for me because I sung Sorry seems to be the hardest word in glee club yesterday and these notes are quoting the songs I sing but only certain parts" I told them. "Who would want your forgiveness?" he asked. "I have no idea Doubt its Finn though I've tried everything with him and I got the first note after he denied me for the duet I tried to force on him" I sighed. "True what about Puck oh who we kidding he's not this deep" Mercedes laughed.

"So off the subject of Rachel's note leaver what's happening at McKinley?" he asked. "Well coach beast and were so close to get everyone at this school together" I sighed. "why hasn't Finn told me anything about this, I mean we live together, and I bring him a glass of warm milk every night just in hopes we will have a little lady chat" Kurt said "warm milk?" Blaine asked him. Kurt looked at him. "It's delicious" he defended himself. "Finn's too proud to complain, he feels like he has to be strong for everybody, but I know it's just killing him inside, I hope he realizes that you know if he and I were still together I would be able to make him feel a lot better you know?" I asked them "let it go Rachel" Kurt sighed. "I just wish there was a way we could help that's all" I told him."Yeah And the worst part is how bummed the guys are, I mean they already suffer enough abuse just being in glee, I really think winning the game could ease some pressure at least for a little while" Mercedes sighed.

"Wait so the whole team quit?" Blaine asked. "everybody not in glee I mean you can't play football with five guys and one of them is in a wheel chair" she said "and coach beast put up a sign up sheet for people to join I think they'll take anyone at this point" I told him. "well the good news is you actually only need four more guys, high school regulations actually let you play a couple guys short if you want to " he told us. I glanced over at Mercedes. "But if they figure out a way to make it work you can bet we'll defiantly be there to cheer them on." He smiled at us. "Totally Blaine and I love football, well Blaine loves football I love scarves"

I sat down at my computer. I opened up another new Microsoft word. This person refused to give his initials up, and how exactly would they give him away?

_Dear Misunderstood fool, _

_How exactly are your initials going to give you away? I have no idea who you are except if this is Jacob I expect you to stop this right now or I'll have they restraining order legalized. But if it's not Jacob Then I would like to know a few things_

_Favorite songs_

_Religion_

_favorite movies_

_dreams_

_And of course how you know me_

_I think these are once again reasonable requests and if you fail to answer them I will not be writing back and will not even bother opening the notes. _

_Rachel Berry_

I smiled as I held it in my hands, I peeled another star sticker off and used it to seal it shut, I also scented it again but this time I addressed it on the front. _To The Misunderstood fool._

**Jesse**

I sipped my coffee waiting for hank to come. There was a knock at my window and I rolled it down. "Hey" he greeted me. "Hello hank" I smiled at him "did you record her?" I asked him. He nodded. Handing me the tape recorder as I handed him the two twenty dollar bills. "And I thought you might to know this, She's playing the championship game Friday" he told me as I nearly spewed my coffee all over the front of my car. "She's what?" I asked again. "Playing the football game something about just lying there and not having enough players or something and here's the note" he said handing it over. "Thanks I'll see you in the morning hank" I told him as I drove away.

I sat down at my computer with the note and tape recorder. I twisted it around in my hand, I haven't heard her sing in so long, I was actually nervous. Something she bestowed into me while we dated. I nervously hit play

_What was I to say I'm already all alone, _

_and there's nothing here except a hole in the wall._

_What was I to do and how should I know,_

_I was never good when times are changing._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_One more time_

_it'd be time enough to think about it. _

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work_

_or throw away everything._

_It's time that I go, I can sleep on the road, _

_it won't be soft but it will be on my own._

_I'm sure that last time I couldn't have been wrong, _

_besides I'm not good with saying sorry._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_One more time_

_it'd be time enough to think about it. _

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work_

_or throw away everything._

_(Throw away everything)_

_Just one time is all it takes_

_one time is all it takes_

_(Timing shows I needed to prove that I was)_

_Just one time is all it takes, _

_(Strong enough to be on my own)_

_One time is all it takes_

_(So we're taking time with bad excuses)_

_Just one time is all it takes._

_...got to show it to know that everything is all right._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_One more time _

_it'd be time enough to think about it._

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work _

_or throw away everything._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this._

_One more time _

_it'd be time enough to think about it._

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work_

_or throw away everything_

I listened as her voice drew out the last note and then there was a lame excuse of applause, it should be louder than loud applause for her. And then there was the football game, she could get killed. Hank said something about just lying there, I wonder if she thinks she is just going to lay there and let the others play. I sighed setting the tape down, it was another sorry song and I have no doubt it was for the oaf they call Finn. I picked up her note and it read to a misunderstood fool, which I cleverly signed by last time. It smelled like her again. I opened it.

_Dear Misunderstood fool, _

_How exactly are your initials going to give you away? I have no idea who you are except if this is Jacob I expect you to stop this right now or I'll have they restraining order legalized. But if it's not Jacob Then I would like to know a few things_

_Favorite songs_

_Religion_

_favorite movies_

_dreams_

_And of course how you know me_

_I think these are once again reasonable requests and if you fail to answer them I will not be writing back and will not even bother opening the notes. _

_Rachel Berry_

I laughed to myself, they creepy Jewish kid did have a tendency to stalk Rachel at every chance he got. I smiled though she still has no idea who these are coming from, perfect. I could answer all of her questions except five, saying that we met in a music store and sang hello would be way to obvious of who I am, but if I don't answer it she'll refuse to even read my notes.

_What was I to say I'm already all alone, _

_and there's nothing here except a hole in the wall._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_Anything by queen, Ac/dc, and Broadway, _

_None,_

_Funny girl, rent, Woodstock, the way we were._

_To be on Broadway with you as my opposite. _

_And five the question that will give me away entirely, the question I can't completely answer nor deny because then I lose the connection I have with you, so all I can say is that a lion help us meet. _

_P.S please please please be safe playing football, I would die if anything happened to you, Rachel. _

_~From a man of his words_

I smiled to myself, after all I did promise her "Epic Romance" and I will make sure she gets it.


	6. Chapter 6

I slipped my locker open and set my world studies book into it and grabbed my bag for football practice. I looked at the inside of my locker, another note this time it was on black paper. I took it off the locker and opened it,

_What was I to say I'm already all alone, _

_And there's nothing here except a hole in the wall._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_Anything by queen, Ac/dc, and Broadway, _

_None,_

_Funny girl, rent, Woodstock, the way we were._

_To be on Broadway with you as my opposite. _

_And five the question that will give me away entirely, the question I can't completely answer nor deny because then I lose the connection I have with you, so all I can say is that a lion help us meet. _

_P.S please please please be safe playing football, I would die if anything happened to you, Rachel. _

_~From a man of his words _

Another quotation of the song I sang, and he answered my questions. Perfect. Let's see queen, Broadway, Barbra, no religion, to be on Broadway with me, wait how would they know that's what I dream? Weird. And number five.

_And five the questions that will give me away entirely, the question I can't completely answer nor deny because then I lose the connection I have with you, so all I can say is that a lion help us meet. _

Hm. A lion? Did we meet and at zoo? No never really go to the zoo's I mean the Cleveland zoo always has those kids running around all over you and then you have to worry about getting run over by that tram that goes by. A lion? That makes no sense. I folded it and slipped it into my bag as I walked to practice.

"Mercedes?" I asked as the Tina and Lauren walked out of the locker room, to go home because practice was over. "Yeah girl?" she asked. "You know those notes I've received?" I asked her she nodded. "Well I ask the person how they know me and they said that a lion help us meet and well what do you think it means?" I asked her. "Like an animal or like a person?" she asked. "I don't know I'll Google it when I get home thanks cedes" I smiled at her before we left the locker room.

_Result for whose nickname is a lion? Samba, scar, Leo._

It was hopeless, everything I typed in related either back to the animal or Disney movies. I reopened the note on my desk. _P.S please please be safe playing football, I would die if anything happened to you, Rachel._

Die? That's a little dramatic considering the person is too scared or worried to confess themselves to me. And how do they know I am even playing? And "please be safe?" who is this person?

I started on my note.

_Dear Man of his words, _

_I am getting extremely frustrated about how you know so much about my day to day life in school. Who are you? And no one even knows I'm playing on the football team, so how do you? Do you work in the office? Are you a stalker, are you a teacher? Well anyway I am extremely happy with your answers to my questions except five, I rarely go to the zoo with those dangerous trams and last time I went I nearly got attack by a monkey because I wore my banana sweater. Anyway how do you know I want to star on Broadway? Only the glee club knows that. And further more I fully intend to find out who you are._

_~ Confused and talented Rachel Berry. _

I smiled proudly at my note.

**Jesse**

There was no way I wasn't going to the football game on Friday, I had to see her. And most importantly I had to make sure she was okay. I sat staring out my front window in my range rover. Where the hell is hank? I heard a knock at my window, I rolled it down. "Sorry I had to take care or something in class but here's her note" he said as I handed him a twenty and he handed me the note. "Thanks and when does the football game start tomorrow?" I asked him. "Uh eight" he told me. I nodded. "Thanks" I told him "and the song she sang?" I asked him "Pat benatar Sorry" he told me "thanks" I told him as I drove away.

I took a seat at my computer again. Another sorry song for oafy, huh? I opened up the note.

_Dear Man of his words, _

_I am getting extremely frustrated about how you know so much about my day to day life in school. Who are you? And no one even knows I'm playing on the football team, so how do you? Do you work in the office? Are you a stalker, are you a teacher? Well anyway I am extremely happy with your answers to my questions except five, I rarely go to the zoo with those dangerous trams and last time I went I nearly got attack by a monkey because I wore my banana sweater. Anyway how do you know I want to star on Broadway? Only the glee club knows that. And further more I fully intend to find out who you are._

_~ Confused and talented Rachel Berry. _

She really is clueless about the man behind the notes isn't she? A crazed monkey at the zoo? And of course I know her dreams second the meeting her mother was being on Broadway, and meeting her mother didn't work out to well but I'm positive Broadway will. I opened up a new document.

_Remember when you loved me_

_I remember the way it used to be_

_No I don't work in the office and I'm not Mr. Schue either. But I know somewhere in you, you already know who I am and when you know you'll be sure. And I'm sure your banana sweater was just too much cuteness for it to take. And Who knows maybe lion isn't an animal. _

_~From The regretful soul_

Perfect.

I parked in the parking lot across the street farthest away from the school. I turned my car off and made sure my hood would cover my face, I had my scarf covering the bottom part and my hood covered the rest, because I'm almost sure if Rachel could identify me by anything it's my hair. I got out of my car and started walking towards the school.

I stood next to the bleachers at the end, pretty much un-noticeable. I searched the field for her; she was adorable in her football gear and her little braids. I remember watching her perform at sectionals I didn't really she her that closely though. Now I had a good look at her, she lost weight and her hair was a little shorter. She still wore her Rachel berry smile though. I smiled as i watched her. The burly looking coach shouted out a play as they took their positions, I laughed to myself as Rachel squatted down, she was truly meant to be a performer. The play was called out and she dropped to the ground as the rest of the team played. I felt better about this.

"And please enjoy the new directions!" the announcer said as the huge lights dimmed, and fog emerged from the sidelines.

_Off with your head, _

_To dance 'til you're dead _

_I'm off, off, off with your head _

_to dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead _

_I'm off off off with your head _

_It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark _

_Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart _

_You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it (heads will roll x2) _

_You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes _

_You're paralyzed _

_'Cause this is thriller, thriller night _

_And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike _

_You know it's thriller, thriller night _

_You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight _

_Off with your head, _

_To dance 'til you're dead _

_I'm off, off, off with your head _

_to dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead _

_Oooh, you hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run _

_You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun _

_You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination (heads will roll x2) _

_Girl, but all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind , you're out of time _

_Thriller, thriller night _

_There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl _

_Thriller, thriller night _

_You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight _

_Off with your head,  
To dance 'til you're dead  
I'm off, off, off with your head  
to dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead_

Darkness falls across the land  
The midnight hour is close at hand  
Creatures crawl in search of blood  
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood  
(Off with your head)  
And though you fight to stay alive  
(Dance 'til you're dead)  
Your body starts to shiver  
(heads will roll x2)  
For no mere mortal can resist  
(heads will roll on the floor)  
The evil of the thriller

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night  
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try  
Thriller, thriller night  
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!

Off with your head,  
To dance 'til you're dead  
I'm off, off, off with your head  
to dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead  
I'm off off off with your head

I clapped loud as the song came to a close, my hood fell down. I quickly picked it back up. I can't believe Schue went through with the glee club and football players doing this together. Rachel looked stunning, even as a zombie. The red dress was cute on her. I smiled to myself as for the last part of the game she stood off on the sidelines seeing that the football players that danced with them were now in play. She smiled and laughed with the girls that were also on the sidelines. It was taking everything I owned not to run to her and tell her how great she was.

I watched as the last car's descended from the lot. I couldn't take myself to leave yet, and I didn't exactly know why. I knew why as she came out in her regular clothes, She wasn't in animal sweaters at all, it wasn't even a sweater, it was a church looking dress. What the hell! I had no doubt in my mind that terribly tall oaf Hudson convinced her to change herself; she would never have to change for me, because Rachel is perfect.


	7. Chapter 7

Curly, Brown, hair. I swear to god I saw it. Saw him. Under the bleachers, all in black. What would he be doing here? Has to be another hallucination, I had one at regionals too, maybe its wining hallucinations, I was worried about winning and I saw him and I was worried again tonight and he reappears. It makes sense. The Jesse I saw was just a figment of my hallucination, but why would I want to hallucinate him unless I was dreaming of watching him getting eaten by a lion. Lions part of how the note leaver knows me, but it makes no sense at all.

My phone was going off; I lazily rolled over and picked it up. "Hello?" I asked. No answer "hello?" I asked again looking at my screen and seeing it was a text. It was a number so it wasn't anyone in my contacts, so I don't know them. But yet I still opened my phone

_You've changed. And it wasn't for you. _

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat, of course it was for me! I wanted to grow up a little and daddy lent me his credit card. Who is this?

_I changed for myself, and who is this and why so early in the morning!_

I replied hastily probably spelling things wrong.

I closed my eyes and my phone went off again.

_It's the misunderstood fool, and Rachel it's almost noon, guessing the game hit hard? And I think we both know who you changed for and it's not yourself. _

The note leaver? He has my number? And I guess it is almost noon. And he is wrong deeply wrong I changed for myself because Finn thou-. Finn. He thought I could improve. In his words exact "I don't know like toddler it down a bit". This misunderstood fool was right. I didn't change for myself. And now I feel so stupid! I tried to win him back when he should be winning my heart back! I did nothing to him; FINN is the one that slept with Santana. FINN is the one that lied to me. FINN is the one that sure as hell will see what he lost.

I dialed the misunderstood fool's number.

**Jesse**

I looked down at my vibrating phone panicking. She was calling me, well not me but the guy who's been leaving her notes, she has no idea it's me. I even changed my number like five months ago because I was already planning this. An idea struck as I ran to my computer with my phone.

"Hello is this the misunderstood fool or the Man or his words?" She asked I smiled hearing her voice; she always did have a rather intoxicating voice

"Yes it is Rachel" the robotic Google translator voice replied.

"Is that your voice because I'm not sure you can be on Broadway with that kind of disability" she replied. I wanted to burst out laughing, but then it would blow my cover.

"No I'm using Google translate because you will know who I am if I speak" Google said.

I heard a sigh over the phone. "How I don't even know what we met by the help of a lion means I mean honestly and unless this is really Jacob you have no reason to hide from me unless ugh I'm not even bringing him up" she groaned over the phone emphasizing on "him". I was almost positive I was "him".

"Who is him?" Google asked.

"Well there was this guy last year, I fell in love with but you don't want to hear about it" she laughed to herself.

"Yes I do" Google replied.

"Ok well this guy let's call him, James. Well James and I fell in love and you know I thought we were destined to be together forever because I mean not to lower your self-esteem or anything but he was downright gorgeous and talented the main things I look for, anyway he transferred to my school proclaiming he had to transfer for me to be fully with him. And like a love sick puppy I believed him. James later smashed an egg over my forehead and left me for UCLA. And now I would enjoy watching him getting eaten by lions" she said.

"Rachel do you ever think maybe you need to give James time to explain maybe he really did love you" Google replied.

"Are you trying to lower your chances with me?" she asked. I suppressed a laugh. If she only knew.

"No but Maybe you should give James a second chance who knows maybe he would let you slushie him" Google said. She laughed. "Yeah right wouldn't hear the end of it, his hair would be ruined he was always really kind of vain and cocky" she giggled. This conversation was heading south.

"Well Rachel I have to go, who knows maybe you'll get another note from me" Google said.

"Likewise, bye" she said as I listened to dial tone.

I sighed falling back into my chair. She still hated me, but she seems to like the "misunderstood fool". And I am not that vain, it's not vain to admit your good looking and not at all if your lover decides you are too.

**RACHEL**

I watched as girl's practically drooled over Finn. I wanted to laugh and tell them that he's the have sex with your worst enemy and lie about and pretended like I should be mad at you and have you beg at me feet for two months type and that they shouldn't waste their time type, but I don't. I honestly don't see what I saw in him anyway, he is rather goofy looking. The way he practically trips over his feet and acts like he knows everything. And to make matter's worse; Valentine's Day was coming up, perfect.

I let my locker kind of blow open; my locker was by a door so it usually just opened itself. A Red note fell out, this time is was an envelope, and had a gold star sealing it. I picked it up and opened the envelope. Pictures? I took one out, Of Places? I flipped through the various ones and my fingers found a note. I eagerly opened it

_If I knew that I could reveal myself and have you not hate me I would take you to these places on Valentine's Day, hell I would take her to these places whenever you desired. And I hope you're wearing one of you Trademark sweaters, because I find them irresistible _

_~from Google translator. _

I smiled as I looked down at myself, I did have a sweater on, and it had a horse on it. What does he mean if I wouldn't hate him, I mean I get it that I know him and all but why would I hate him, If anything I think I might be falling for him, he seems to know the right things to say, seems sweet, and if a girl can dream is talented. I looked at the pictures again. One was the front of Broadway with "wicked sold out" on the sign. Another was what looked like a bistro, and the last one I saw looked like a piano with a picnic next to it.

"Alright guys, I have one word for you" announced. Brittany raised her hand. "Brittany" he said. She smiled. "is it love?" she asked "Valentine's day is coming up, so for this week's lesson, I want you guys to pick a partner because you're going to sing to them what you think is the world's greatest love song" he smiled as I rolled my eyes. "yeah find a song that communicates all the things love means to you, now partner up" he smiled " can I say something I just wanted to point out that for the first time an entire week has gone by without anyone of us getting slushied, i think the fact that me leading the football team to the conferences championship might have something to do with it. Fact is that I'm the closest thing that this glee club has to a celebrity-"I snorted. "You think I'm wrong?" he asked me. I snorted again. "Of course I do, Finn. You think your something. You think that you're so high and mighty all the time that you should be fawned over, or and let's not forget you're the golden kid!" I scoffed at him.

"Really Rachel?" he asked me. "You doing this now in the middle of glee club with ya know everyone here?" he asks. I laughed. "Yes I am! Why don't we adventure a little further into our story shall we? Let's see the first time we kissed you used me for a scholarship to support you and your baby that wasn't even yours, and then you kissed me at the bowling alley while dating Quinn and supposedly having her baby." I smiled at him crossing my arms. I looked at the club Quinn was scowling. "Stop" he told me. "And then we kissed again STILL while you were dating Quinn so I count that two times you cheated on her with me. And then i was decant enough to let you know the baby isn't yours and you go all – all Ape- shit on the club because you were stupid! Everyone Even Brittany knows you can't get pregnant from a freakin Jacuzzi!" I yelled at him. "It's true" Brittany interjected. "Rachel please" he begged. "No, and let's see You Sleep with Santana and then lie about it i mean I lied about Jesse but that's different I told you, you had a chance to come clean but you didn't and then having to hear it from Santana herself! That's outrageous! And then I waste my talents on you singing you apology songs when the truth is you're the one that should be singing them and singing them to me!" I yelled in his face as I stormed off. Leaving them speechless.

I looked out to the empty auditorium seats. I felt a little better with that out of my system. But still a little guilty for doing that to him. I stood up and turned on the microphone in the middle of the stage

_State the obvious; I didn't get my perfect fantasy_

_I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me_

_So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy_

_That's fine I'll tell mine that you're gay! [album version line]_

_That's fine you won't mind if I say [music video version line]_

_By the way..._

_I hate that stupid old pickup truck_

_You never let me drive_

_You're a redneck heartbreak_

_Who's really bad at lying_

_So watch me strike a match_

_On all my wasted time_

_As far as I'm concerned you're_

_Just another picture to burn_

_There's no time for tears,_

_I'm just sitting here planning my revenge_

_There's nothing stopping me_

_From going out with all of your best friends_

_And if you come around saying sorry to me_

_My daddy's gonna show you how sorry you'll be_

_And if you're missing me,_

_You'd better keep it to yourself_

_'cause coming back around here_

_Would be bad for your health..._

_'cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck_

_You never let me drive_

_You're a redneck heartbreak_

_Who's really bad at lying_

_So watch me strike a match_

_On all my wasted time_

_In case you haven't heard,_

_I really really hate that..._

_Burn, burn, burn, baby, burn_

_You're just another picture to burn_

_Baby, burn... _

I smiled to myself; I never knew Taylor swift could come in so handy. I looked up as I heard the auditorium doors open. "Rachel you have to see this!" Mercedes yelled in. I was getting ready to protest. "Come on!" she yelled waving her hand. I shrugged to myself and walked off the stage to see what Mercedes wanted.

"Mercedes I was having a moment and you now not to disrupt those" I told her. She laughed. "You'll want to see this" she said pulling me by my arm. "The parking lot really?" I asked her. "Look at your car" she smiled. "I don't really see what my car has to d-"I stared dumbfounded at it. It was draped in pink rose petals, there was pink roses stuck in the handles and windshield wipers, and there was a piece of paper in the front wiper.

"You know i don't move that fast and is it safe to say this might be your note leaver's doings?" she asked. I nodded as I opened the note. _"Hope you enjoy it because I'm sure you won't be telling your friends I'm gay and you will get your perfect fantasy with me. And by the way you sound better than Taylor swift and you are really cute angry and Hudson only got what he had coming, don't worry if he bothers you I will have to reveal myself to kick his ass. _"Girl I'm coming over as soon as we can make this drivable because we have to find this dude, before he covers the whole choir room in roses" she laughed playfully as we started to pick the petals up off my car.


	8. Chapter 8

"So where are the notes?" she asked from my bed. "All right here" I told her holding up the box I kept the notes in; there was a good amount of them. "And how long has this been going on?" she asked me. "Since Christmas so I guess like three months" I told her dumping the notes all over my desk. "Don't you think this is a little I don't know stalker-ish?" she asked me picking up some notes to read. "Maybe cedes I don't know he seems sweet enough and once I kind of knew it wasn't Jew-fro I kind of liked getting them" I told her as I heard her opening them.

"Ok So far the clues we picked out were, his favorite things that you forced out, obviously likes the color black cause he put them with your golden star-"I cut her off. "Might not maybe it's the only other sticker he could find" I told her as she sighed. "And as I was saying likes the color black, likes your silly sweaters, and apparently you hate him, and says you know him by a lion" she finished. "all so confusing" I said rubbing my temples. "Well girl minds well pull up Google" she said standing over my shoulder.

"ok so animal sweaters don't help at all" she sighed as we goggled the things on the list. "Ok hmm let's try lion" she told me as I started typing it. I froze; one of the suggestions was Lionel, Lionel Richie. "What are you staring at?" she asked me but I couldn't move. It all seemed to click together perfectly. Of course Jesse would send notes to me. Of course He would quote the songs I sang. Of course, of course, of course.

"Should I like call the hospital?" she asked me. I shook my head. "so-sorry I-i-I just kind of went into shock" I told her. Now even the stars made sense, He always wore black. A black and gold star for me and him. "So does this mean you know who it is?" she asked eagerly. I nodded. "Who come on gurl!" she nudged me. "Jesse" I whispered. She snorted. "Seriously girl come on" she laughed. "It's Jesse, Lion was code word for Lionel Richie, and He sang our song, Hello." I told her. I felt her stiffen behind me. "What are you going to do, keep sending the notes to him? You know even if you do decide to pursue this none of the others will allow it right?" she asked me, I swallowed. "I know and that's what I'm not pursing it, he had his chance and to be honest I feel stupid for not seeing that it was him sooner" I sighed. "I will back you up if you change your mind" she told me. I smiled up at her. "Thanks do you want to watch a movie, I don't think I want to be alone now" I told her, she smiled. "Sure"

I stood staring at my locker, knowing somehow Jesse left another note. A note I won't respond to. I note I shouldn't even read but still want to. I gripped the handle and swung it open and at no surprise there was a note there. I ripped it off and opened it

_No song? What's wrong, Hudson being a not so jolly green giant? _

I stifled a laugh. I actually didn't sing in glee club because i would have had no idea what to sing, between all my shock and betrayed feelings I barely talked yesterday let alone sing. I took the note and slipped it into my notebook. I had so many questions on my mind that I could barely process any real thoughts relating to school.

"She's not talking, do you think she lost her voice?" Tina whispered, but with being a Broadway star in training I have a keen ear. "Beats me" mike replied. I sighed and settled deeper into my seat. "Hey gurl" Mercedes smiled as she sat down beside me, I offered a smile. "It's cool, still shocked" she said as I nodded "Ok guys Rachel your up today with this week's assignments" announced as he set his bag down. "Uh I was hoping I could go I arranged it with Rachel already" she said standing up. "Oh uh ok let's hear it then" he smiled as Mercedes started to bust out a song.

**Jesse **

"This is the sixth time she hasn't left a note" I told hank as he stood there. "Yeah she's not singing either" he told me. "Thanks hank I'll see you around" I told him as a handed him the twenty and drove off. I needed to come up with a plan.

So obviously she's figured me out. She knows it's me; maybe I shouldn't have given out so many key details. I Sighed trying to think of a plan. It struck me, she always sings in the auditorium at four on Thursday. Always. And all I need to do is beat her there and make it perfect.

**Rachel**

The dismissal bell rang and I lazily picked my things up. I was in no hurry, I had the auditorium to myself and I had no better place to be. I slipped my English book into my bag and zipped it. I walked lazily down the hall wall when I stopped dead in my tracks in front of the office. Someone was in the auditorium I can hear them. I walked a little closer and could almost make out the lyrics. I stopped dead in my tracks again as I pushed the doors open enough to slide in.

_You must be crazy to stay here,_

_and I'll be crazy when you go;_

_though there's so much I want to tell you_

_all the words come out too slow._

_I've been locked in my problems,_

_you seemed prepared to wait..._

_now that I know I'm going to lose you_

_all the words come out too late._

_There's no promise I can give you that you wouldn't know was fake;_

_though I just want to be with you, there's no show that I can make._

_And in the morning, when I wake and find you dressing_

_I can tell that it's on your mind to go for good;_

_I know that all this time I've kept you guessing,_

_but I'd tell you if I could._

_If I now said that I loved you_

_how would that seem in your eyes?_

_Oh, may my voice fall into silence_

_if my words turn out to be lies._

_I never meant to hurt you,_

_even though that's what I do -_

_even though you might not believe this_

_all my words were meant for you._

_There's no promise I can give you that you wouldn't know was fake;_

_though I just want to be with you, there's no show that I can make._

_And in the evening, when we sit and watch the TV_

_I know that this silence just won't do me any good_

_and I want to beg you, beg you, beg you to believe me..._

_I'd tell you if I could,_

_I'd tell you if I could_

His voice dripped around me, I watched as he played the last note beautifully. He turned his head out to the empty seats, then right back to where I was standing. I watched as he turned back to the piano and started to play it again, I smiled to myself.

_I've been alone with you inside my mind  
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times  
I sometimes see you pass outside my door  
Hello, is it me you're looking for?_

_I can see it in your eyes  
I can see it in your smile  
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide  
'Cause you know just what to say  
And you know just what to do  
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ..._

I long to see the sunlight in your hair  
And tell you time and time again how much I care  
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow  
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are  
And I wonder what you do  
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?  
Tell me how to win your heart  
For I haven't got a clue  
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?  
'Cause I wonder where you are  
And I wonder what you do  
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?  
Tell me how to win your heart  
For I haven't got a clue  
But let me start by saying ... I love you

I crept closer to the stage. I watched as he drummed his fingers across the keys of the piano. I inched myself closer, he didn't look any different; he hair was still as perfect, his talent just as huge. I stood behind him about six feet. I crossed my arms over myself, trying to shield myself. I watched as he slid himself around. "Miss Berry" he smiled at me, I nodded. "I think that last song needed something, maybe a certain female vocals?" he asked tapping the keys again. I shrugged. He let out a long and heavy sigh. "Did you not start to fall in love with the note leaver? He asked looking at me. I shrugged again. I watched as he got up and started walking towards me

"Please Rachel anything you can even curse me out right now, spit in my face anything" he plead looking at me. I slowly met his eyes. "Yes" i told him. He cocked his eyebrow at me, how he did that always amazed me. "Yes I did start to fall for the note leaver" I told him. I watched as a smile crept onto his face. "I know that what I did was wrong and traumatizing but I would and will do anything for you to forgive me, and I wanted so badly to talk to you, and I knew you would never just let me back into your life after what I did. so I did the only other option leaving notes, you had no idea it was me and you liked the guy who was doing that I know I have no right to be here standing in front of you, but I couldn't stand it Rachel. Every single girl I saw at UCLA I compared to you, The color of your hair, the way you laugh, the way you engulf yourself into your songs, and then I realized that I needed you" he told me. I was speechless. I had no idea what to say or to believe him at all.

"Why should I believe you Jesse?" I asked him. "Because somewhere in your heart you know I am telling you the truth and that the reason among several others that you and Finn didn't work out was because you were still in love with me and I am still very much in love with you" he told me, I squeezed my eyes shut. This shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't do this. I should just walk away. I opened my eyes to see him looking at me. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. "I am giving you one chance to explain yourself and one chance only" I told him. "That's all I need" he smiled. "Meet me at the coffee shop at eight tonight that's the only chance you get Jesse, so don't blow it" I told him as I turned on my heel and walked away.

I threw myself onto my bed. What has this world come to? Where you're Ex (that I am supposed to hate) comes back and tries to sweep you off your feet again? "Sweetie you have a visitor" dad said smiling. Kurt walked in to my room. "Kurt!" I smiled as I hugged him. "Whoa there princess" he smiled. "Sorry just glad to see you so how's you and Blaine?" I asked him. "Well Between him singing to another guy and having to watch then telling him how and him practicly saying he wants be friend's I feel just peachy" he said sarcastically. "Oh Kurt" I said taking his hand. "You remember my note leaver? I asked him, he nodded. "I figured who it was" I told him. "Well who is it?" he asked. "You have to promise not to tell and Mercedes already knows she actually helped me figure it out" I told him. "And I get left out the investigation? I'm hurt" he laughed

"So the big romantic note leaver is..?" Kurt pushed. "Jesse" I told him. He burst out laughing. "I'm sorry I just thought you said that Jesse St. James was leaving you the notes but seriously who is it?" he asked still laughing a little. "Kurt its Jesse" I told him again as his face fell. "You're not seriously going to pursue anything are you?" he asked me. "I kind of am" I told him shyly. "Rachel Barbra Berry After all that boys done to you you're trying to forgive him?" he asked. "Kurt I actually had an encounter with him today, well I was on my way to the auditorium as I always do on Thursdays after school and he was in there singing, and then he started to sing Hello which is our song and then he was really kind of sweet and I had to at least give him a chance to explain himself so I'm meeting him to get coffee" I told him. Kurt stared dumbfounded at me

"Are you Stupid? You never give people like him a Second chance, If you take away The Saint part in his last name it's Jesse James and tell me Rachel were all of the Jesse James in the past Well-loved and celebrated?" he asked me sternly. "No, but Kurt the little notes he sent started to make my day, knowing someone besides Mercedes liked me. he quoted the songs I sang , he gave me compliments, he even likes my sweaters and your step brother's with Finn now And I don't want to be mean but he never made me feel happy enough, he never defended me, he always blamed me, and never took the fault for anything and he lied. And I think the reason why I always easily forgave him was because I never was really in love with him, he was just someone that was there. But It's been months Kurt and I never really forgave him and he wasn't even in Ohio and I still hold the grudge against him and I think that might be because I'm in love with him" I told him looking up, Kurt had his show face on. "Well if he can get over the atrociously of your sweaters that must mean something" he smiled. "Thanks Kurt" I smiled as I gave him another hug. "But how about we ditch the animal sweaters for tonight and make him beg, I'm in need of giving someone a makeover boys don't take lightly to offering Moisture and Hair styling suggestions" he laughed as he made his way to my closest.

"Are you insane?" I asked as he handed me the outfit he picked out from my closet. "Princess, trust me this will get him squirming If there's anything I know its fashion just put it on" he told me shoving me towards my bathroom. "Fine" I told him slipping into my bathroom and closing the door. I slipped on the insanely short pleated skirt; I got before my growth spurt. I tugged the Cute and also very tight Heart sweater on. "No socks?" I said peeking my head out of the door. "No Socks, here" he told me lifting a pair of heels I didn't even know owned up to me. I took them and sat down on the edge of the tub putting them on. "Ready? I asked before opening the door. "Yes" he replied as I came out. "Perfect should have him drooling" he smiled at me. "Well we both have to go now seeing it that I have to meet him in fifteen minutes and seeing I won't be here you have to leave too and I'll call you later either to blame you or thank you" I laughed as we walked down the stairs. "Oh Rachel you will kiss the ground I walk on" he smiled.

I took a final deep breath before getting out of my car. I smoothed what fabric this skirt did have down and headed towards the front door to the coffee shop. The little bell rang when I pushed the door open. I skimmed the restaurant for him and saw him in a booth. I smiled and walked over towards the table. "Hi" I greeted him, he looked up at me. I could feel his eyes drilling into me, I guess Kurt was right. "You look beautiful as always" he smiled as I slipped into the booth seat opposite to him. "Let's save the sweet talk and get to the details shall we?" I asked as I folded my arms into my chest. He sat up a little straighter. "I guess that's a good place to start isn't it" he smiled. "Well the music store wasn't a set up, I actually went in there looking for sheet music myself and I was blown away from your performance at sectionals, I thought I was top dog in this state. So I had to talk to you, and being myself I decided the only legit way to see if we had chemistry was to sing, and I was nervous, despite what I said, because knowing you had a voice and knowing I had a voice that if they went together we were destined to be, my grade school choir teacher always said "If two voices meet they collide" and she was right. I was worried you wouldn't sing but you did and after we sang I had to know you more" he said looking at me searching for some emotion but I kept my show face on. "Go on" I told him.

"Ok so when Shelby discovered I was seeing you she told me everything, and I thought it sounded like a good thing to do, helping a mother get to her daughter so I started helping her and believe me when the rest of my teammates found out I was seeing you they went happy especially Giselle who always thought we had something but that was in her universe" he said looking at me again. "so She transferred me to your school to get even closer to you, which I was happy about because I hated we never got to see each other but I didn't know what that would entail. But once you did the entire run joey run thing, I was hurt even broken. I never really loved someone as much as I loved you. So I ran away with vocal adrenaline to San Francisco to sort things out. I came back because I decided I need you. And Shelby told me somehow to get the tape to you and she did have control of my scholarship so I was under her control" he told me.

"So we funikfied you and knowing what may have been going through your head killed me, you would never know how much I wanted to run down there and hold you. And since I was back with vocal adrenaline my team mates wanted to make sure I was sincere about leaving you which I wasn't. But I knew how to put on a show. Giselle never told me what they were doing to you but I had to call you. You don't even know Rachel how much it, it killed me inside to know something bad was happening to you and seeing you smiled and run towards me made it worse. And when I cracked the egg over your head, I knew somewhere down the road I was going to come back for you because I did promise you Epic romance Rachel" he smiled at me. A thousand things were running through my head. He knew he was coming back for me? He truly did want me? "How did you deliver the notes?" I asked him. He let out a laugh. "You know how you got that guy fired from teaching the glee club? Well I got this guy hank he knew who were and I paid him to deliver the notes and tell me what songs you sang" he told me. "Never deserved that damn solo" I mumbled.

"So I guess the earth shattering question tonight is Do you still love me and can you forgive me?" he asked looking me in the eyes. There was still so much bad blood between us, so many lies. So much hurt. But then again what do I have to lose? "Your forgiven" I told him he nodded urging on the other part of the question. "And the other part of your question Jesse, You'll have to work for" I smiled at him.


	9. Chapter 9

I sat down next to Mercedes. "So how'd it go!" she smiled. "Well he explained everything to me and he asked if I still love him and if I forgive him" I told her. "What'd you say?" she pushed. On. "That I forgave him but he'd have to work for the other part of his question". We giggled together. "Ok guys I thought today we could have a break and just sing whatever's on your mind" smiled. " I will gladly go first to set the bar where it should be" I smiled as I stood up and made my way to the center of the room.

_When I took you out_

_I knew what you were all about_

_But when I did_

_I didn't mean to turn you on_

_Now I bring you home_

_You told me goodnight's not enough for you_

_I'm sorry baby_

_I didn't mean to turn you on_

_No, I didn't mean to turn you on_

_You read me wrong_

_I wasn't trying to lead you on_

_Not like you think_

_I didn't mean to turn you on_

_I know you_

_Were expecting a one night stand_

_When I refused_

_I knew you wouldn't understand_

_I told you twice_

_I was only trying to be nice_

_Only trying to be nice_

_Ooh, I didn't mean to turn you on_

_Babe now why should I_

_Feel guilty 'cause I won't give_

_Guilty 'cause I won't give in_

_I didn't mean to turn you on_

_Ooh, I didn't mean to turn you on_

_When I took you out_

_Iknew what you were all about_

_But when I did_

_I didn't mean to turn you on_

_No, I didn't mean to turn you on_

_I didn't mean to turn you on..._

"And that fellow glee clubbers is how high the bar is set feel free to follow" I smiled as I sat down. Mercedes eyed me. "Was that for Finn or for someone else?" she asked me. "Finn" I told her. She nodded. "Well I guess I'll go" Brittany said standing up.

_Because I'm a blonde I don't have to think,_

_I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks._

_Don't have to worry about gettin' a man,_

_if I keep this blonde and I keep this tan._

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_I see people working and it just makes me giggle,_

_'cause I don't have to work, I just have to wiggle._

_'Cause I'm a blonde - B-L-O-N-D_

_'Cause I'm a blonde, don't you wish you were me?_

_I never learned to read and I never learned to cook._

_Why should I bother when I look like I look?_

_I know lots of people are smarter than me,_

_but I have this philosophy, "So what?"_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_I see girls without dates and I feel so sorry for 'em,_

_'cause whenever I'm around, all the men ignore 'em._

_'Cause I'm a blonde - nyah, nyah, nyah!_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - nyah, nyah, nyah!_

_They say to make it you need talent and ambition,_

_well I got a tv show, and this is my audition;_

_Umm. . . okay. . . what was it?. . . ummm don't tell me. . ._

_oh, yeah, okay "Duck Magnum, duck!"_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_I took an IQ test and I flunked it of course,_

_I can't spell VW but I got a Porsche._

_'Cause I'm a blonde - B-L-I-N-D_

_'Cause I'm a blonde, don't you wish you were me?_

_I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August_

_is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can._

_Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA,_

_but my goal is to become a veterinarian, cause I love children._

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_Girls think I'm snotty and maybe its true._

_With my hair and body, you would be too._

_'Cause I'm a blonde - B-L- . . . I don't know!_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_'Cause I'm a blonde - yeah, yeah, yeah!_

The room erupted into applause for Britney. Her song was very, her. "That's my girl" Santana smiled as she high fived Britney. "Ok with those two great performances who wants to go –"a knock on the door interrupted him. "Uh is there a Rachel Berry in here?" a guy asked. "Yes" I answered back. "Ok you have a delivery of flowers just sign here" he said as I walked forward to him. I signed my name on the pad, and waited for him to get the flowers off his cart. "Here we go" he said handing me them. The vase was covered with gold glittery stars, and filled with red roses. I smiled and went to my seat. "Is it from who I think it's from?" Mercedes asked. "Pretty sure here's the card" I said taking the little piece of paper out.

_To the most Talented, Beautiful, and Sexiest girl I know. I hope you enjoy them. ~Jesse_

I smiled to myself. "And to answer my question that's a big old yes" she laughed to herself. "They're so pretty" I admired them feeling the petals. "Who's it from?" Puck Asked from across the room. "Just someone" I replied. "Spill it berry" Santana added. "Maybe it's from the red Queen, I heard she liked red roses" Brittany added. "Ok guys Pay attention! Who's going next?" he asked. 'I guess I will " find said as he stood up. Wonder what's on his few brain cells today.

_Hey Mr. Curiosity_

_Is it true what they've been saying about you_

_Are you killing me?_

_You took care of the cat already_

_And for those who think it's heavy_

_Is it the truth_

_Or is it only gossip_

_Call it mystery or anything_

_Just as long as you'd call me_

_I sent the message on did you get it when I left it_

_See this catastrophic event_

_It wasn't meant to mean no harm_

_But to think there's nothing wrong is a problem_

_I'm looking for love this time_

_Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry_

_Love is a mystery_

_Mr. Curious..._

_Come back to me_

_Mr. waiting ever patient can't you see_

_That I'm the same the way you left me_

_In a hurry to spell check me_

_And I'm underlined already in envy green_

_And pencil red_

_And I've forgotten what you've said_

_Will you stop working for the dead and return_

_Mr. curious well I need some inspiration_

_It's my birthday and I cannot find no cause for celebration_

_The scenario is grave but I'll be braver when you save me_

_From this situation laden with hearsay_

_I'm looking for love this time_

_Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry_

_And love is a mystery_

_Mr. Curiosity_

_Be Mr. please_

_Do come and find me, oh_

_Find me, find me, me_

_I'm looking for love this time_

_Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry_

_Trying not to ask why_

_Cause love is a mystery_

_Mr. curiosity_

_Be Mr. please_

_Do come and find me_

_Love is blinding when the timing's never right_

_Oh who am I to beg for difference_

_Finding love in just an instant_

_Well I dont mind, at least I've tried_

_Well I tried, I tried..._

Out of politeness I gave some applause. He never tried with love at all. If I may be so blunt he sucked at love. Especially with me.

"So Do you want to come with me for Kurt's thing tonight?" Mercedes asked me. "Sure I would love to, it's at breadstix right?" I asked her. "Yes of course where else would it be?" she asked laughing. "Just making sure" I told her defensively. "So I'll pick you up at say 6:30?" she asked me. "Sounds good I'll see you then" I smiled as we hugged and went our different ways. I settled into my car and turned my stereo up. I left my Broadway Classic's CD I burned in the player. His voice blasted threw my speakers

_Spending all my nights_

_All my money going out on the town_

_Doing anything just to get you off of my mind_

_But when the morning comes_

_I'm right back where I started again_

_Trying to forget you is just a waste of time_

_Baby come back, any kind of fool could see_

_There was something in everything about you_

_Baby come back, you can blame it all on me_

_I was wrong, and I just can't live without you_

_All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado_

_Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear_

_But as the sun goes down_

_I get that empty feeling again_

_How I wish to God that you were here_

_Baby come back, any kind of fool could see_

_There was something in everything about you_

_Baby come back, you can blame it all on me_

_I was wrong, and I just can't live without you_

_Now that I put it all together_

_Give me the chance to make you see_

_Have you used up all the love in your heart_

_Nothing left for me_

_Ain't there nothing left for me_

_Baby come back, any kind of fool could see_

_There was something in everything about you_

_Baby come back, listen, you can blame it all on me_

_I was wrong, and I just can't live without you_

I was wrong, and I just can't live

How on Earth did he get into my car? I opened the glove box to see if there was any kind of note, or something. There was, or course

_I hope you like this; I made it just for you. ~Jesse_

I sighed as the next song started.

_Maybe I'm still hurting_

_I can't turn the other cheek_

_But you know that I still love you_

_It's just that I can't speak_

_I looked for you in everyone_

_And they called me on that too_

_I lived alone but I was only_

_Coming back to you_

_Ah they're shutting down the factory now_

_Just when all the bills are due_

_And the fields they're under lock and key_

_Tho' the rain and the sun come through_

_And springtime starts but then it stops_

_In the name of something new_

_And all the senses rise against this_

_Coming back to you_

_And they're handing down my sentence now_

_And I know what I must do_

_Another mile of silence while I'm_

_Coming back to you_

_There are many in your life_

_And many still to be_

_Since you are a shining light_

_There's many that you'll see_

_But I have to deal with envy_

_When you choose the precious few_

_Who've left their pride on the other side of_

_Coming back to you_

_Even in your arms I know_

_I'll never get it right_

_Even when you bend to give me_

_Comfort in the night_

_I've got to have your word on this_

_Or none of it is true_

_And all I've said was just instead of_

_Coming back to you_

I smiled as I shut my car off, I wonder how many there are on here. I hit Eject on the cd system and took the cd into the house with me. I set the cd into my bedazzled cd player and hit play, I skipped the first two. His voice flooded threw my speakers again

_I know you know I've been lyin'_

_Please stop crying_

_I know your love for me is dying_

_There ain't nothing I wouldn't do_

_To get myself back close to you_

_Please stop cryin'_

_I'm sorry I hurt you_

_I betrayed you_

_You trusted me and I betrayed you_

_If I obeyed you_

_I can't be me so I betrayed you_

_I don't want nobody else_

_I just want you to myself_

_But I betrayed you_

_I'm sorry I hurt you_

_I'm losing more than I'll ever have_

_I feel bad, I feel so bad_

_I mess your head but you still possess me_

_Baby baby baby have mercy, have mercy on me_

_You got a heart of gold_

_You can't be bought or sold_

_You got a heart of gold baby_

_I got the blues for you_

_I give myself to you_

_I got the blues for you baby_

_(repeat)_

_Oh yeah_

_Don't you believe me_

_Will you redeem me_

_Don't you believe me baby_

_(repeat)_

_Stay with me _

That was always one of the things I loved about him, Always had a knack for picking perfect songs about what he was feeling. I tried to skim the rest of the songs but I ended up listening to all of them. Some of them he added himself talking at the end about what it means. It was the last track number 12 that I sat there mouth wide open.

_I tweaked this a little but I missed listening to us sing._

_What was I to say I'm already all alone, _

_and there's nothing here except a hole in the wall._

_What was I to do and how should I know,_

_I was never good when times are changing._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_One more time_

_it'd be time enough to think about it. _

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work_

_or throw away everything._

_It's time that I go, I can sleep on the road, _

_it won't be soft but it will be on my own._

_I'm sure that last time I couldn't have been wrong, _

_besides I'm not good with saying sorry._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_One more time_

_it'd be time enough to think about it. _

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work_

_or throw away everything._

_(Throw away everything)_

_Just one time is all it takes_

_one time is all it takes_

_(Timing shows I needed to prove that I was)_

_Just one time is all it takes, _

_(Strong enough to be on my own)_

_One time is all it takes_

_(So we're taking time with bad excuses)_

_Just one time is all it takes._

_...got to show it to know that everything is all right._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this. _

_One more time _

_it'd be time enough to think about it._

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work _

_or throw away everything._

_One more chance_

_I'd never would react like this._

_One more time _

_it'd be time enough to think about it._

_And one last straw _

_could be strong enough to make this work_

_or throw away everything_

It was me singing. How did he… I sang this in glee club when I was still trying to win Finn back. He recorded me? And I never knew? But he faded my voice at parts and his voice filled it, it was kind of like we were singing together. I smiled as I hit replay on it, I kind of missed it to.


	10. Chapter 10

A horn honed outside my house. She arrived. I quickly grabbed my purse and did a once over. I shut my light off and ran down the stairs. "Sorry I lost track of time" I huffed as I buckled myself in. "That's fine. I'm so excited to see Kurt and Blaine, I wonder if they'll ever get together" Mercedes trailed off. "yeah it would be nice for Kurt to finally have someone" I agreed.

I scooted into the booth and Mercedes sat next to me. "You guys made it" Kurt smiled. "Wouldn't miss it for the world" I told him. "So which one is Blaine?" Mercedes asked him. "the dark haired one in the middle" Kurt gleamed. "That is so cute! Our little Kurt is growing up" I giggled. He gave me a look, which caused us to laugh even harder. "Don't worry you'll snag him" Mercedes told him. he tugged down his blazer " I hope so because if there is any more jeremiahs in this world well i wont be too happy" Kurt told us smiling. "Hey Kurt" Blaine came over smiling. "We're about to go on but who are your friends?" he asked looking at us. "Rachel Berry" I said holding out my hand. "Nice to meet you and Mercedes right?" he asked her. "Yeah Nice to meet you too" she smiled. "Well we have to go come on Kurt" he smiled taking Kurt's hand. I looked at Mercedes and we smiled.

"Someone wants you outside Rachel, but he didn't look like pedophile-esqe so I think it's safe" blaine laughed "ok but if I'm not back in 20 minutes one of you come and get me or find me" I laughed as I scooted out. I shrugged on my jacket and pushed the door open. "Happy valentine's day" he smiled holding a bouquet of red roses. I took them. "Thank you" I smiled. "I couldn't come in because I'm still a hated target around here" he laughed. "More like a grenade" I corrected him. "So did you listen to the c.d?" he asked me grinning. "Yes it was very well composed" I told him. "You know what my favorite track on that is?" he asked taking a step closer to me. "Which one" I asked him. "The last one-"he took another step closer, I could feel his breath. "Where it seemed like you and I sang" he smirked.

"Rachel" he said causing me to look up at him. I watched as his face leaned lower to mine, he was going to try to kiss me; maybe I should to see if there is anything. No I shouldn't, i. "Jesse stop" I said taking a step back. "What?" he asked, looking kind of sad actually. "I-I can't do this. I will not be kissed by you under force. And who say's I want to kiss you?" I asked him. "What if I was Finn? The giant dumbfounded boy standing here, would you kiss me then?" he asked. I stomped my foot getting mad. "Finn has nothing to do with this Jesse. You're the one who screw this up. You had a choice to be with me when I wanted to was more than happy to, you you you Fucked that up" I told him not being able to think off a better word. "Did you just swear?' he asked me. "Yes because Your screwed me over and up." I told him " I would take it back if I could Rachel" he told me. "You could have never cracked it over my head, you could have walked away, you could have shielded me, you could have helped me, and you could have stopped it" I told him. "I was stupid; I never saw how much you meant to me, until you were gone. Until every girl I saw I was comparing to you, until my roommate finally asked me if I was gay because i turned so many girls down. I didn't want them anymore. None of them. I need you, I will always need you" he told me, I looked up at him, his eyes were glassy, and he was on the brink of crying.

"I'm sorry Jesse, I just can't humor us tonight" I told him turning around to go back in. he caught my wrist. "Then humor me, kiss me. If you don't love me, a kiss should tell. If you see fireworks or not. If there's still that spark." He told me. I turned around. "Then will you stop?" I asked him. "Maybe" he told me. "Fine, One kiss" I told him. I closed my eyes as his lips touched mine. Thousands of different fireworks were going off, It was electric, there was still a spark. I pulled away. "I feel nothing" I lied. "You're lying" he said flatly. "You're lying and I know it" he told me, I looked him straight in his eyes, show face Rachel pull it out. "I felt nothing for you, not a spark, not a firework, zip. And know why?" I asked him crossing my arms. "Because you're simply lying?" he asked. "No because I'm dating Noah" I told him and that I turned on my heel and walked back inside before I could get caught in my lie. I sat back down and took out my phone.

_Your my fake boyfriend and I know your still trying with Lauren but explain my predicament with her I need you right now as a childhood friend and fellow Jew Noah_.

I looked up and saw Blaine and Kurt were happily talking among themselves and Mercedes was glaring at me. "Fake?" she asked. "Let's just say I had to do some quick thinking out there" I told her. She looked at my hand. "And yes it's from him, he was out there" I told her, she nodded. "Good luck gurl" she sighed

"Good morning Noah" I smiled. "Look Lauren doesn't care if you fake date me or not, so as a fellow Jew I'm in. Plus if it's anything I'm good at its making people jealous I mean look at me" he said trailing a hand over himself. "Yes Noah your nicely built" I told him. "Damn right" he nodded. "So just to say, mostly this relationship is going to be made out of fake couple things, kissing, flirting, and so on. No sex is in this Just to forewarn you" I told him. "Fine by me my hot little Jewish American princess" he smiled. I smiled to myself as we walked arm in arm to English.

"So what now Troll, I take Finnessa's Big V and you take my man?" Santana stands in front of me blocking my locker. "He's not your man he's mine" I told her pushing her aside and opening my locker. "Oh hell no" she muttered pushing me to the floor. She smirked. I sat there for a minute and got back up. I walked close to her, and then slammed her to the floor. "Leave me the hell alone Sand bags" I told her. "I'm sorry did you not know what part of town I'm from? I'm from the wrong side of town-"I cut her off. "And soon I won't care oh wait I already don't care, he's mine Satan. " I huffed out at her. Before walking away. "you're not getting away Yentl" she said before I felt her hand on my hair pulling it, I reached my foot back and kicked her. I felt her release my hair. "Stop before one of your air bags deflate" I told her continuing out of the school.

It felt good to finally stand up to her, even though I don't promote violence I thought it was needed. I opened my car and got in. I heard a knock and jumped. I looked over. "Hey babe" he smirked before he got in. "Hi Noah" I smiled. "Heard you beat up Santana, That turns me on" he smiled. "Word travels fast doesn't it? And she only got what was coming" I told him as I backed out of my spot. "Well anyway I thought we could go over to your house and do some heavy making out" he said. "No, we can go to the music store though and make out" I told him. "Fine by me "he smiled as I drove

"Why the music store?" he asks me as I started looking at the shelves. "Because, Noah You can't tell anyone about this" I told him "Sure babe Jews promise." He said. "ok well Jesse's been trying to get me back for a good four months and I told him I was dating you so to prove it to him I want him to see me and you together" I confessed. "Your scheming is so hot" he smiled. The bell over the door went off. "Good because it's show time" I smiled. I felt Noah's lips meet mine; I attached my hands to the back of his neck as he put his on my waist. I pulled away and smiled and went back to his lips. This time he pulled away and put his lips near my ear. "You're so turning my on right now". I smiled and pulled his face towards mine again. I heard the door's bell ring harshly and pulled away from Noah, to see a black jacket walking quickly outside to get away from the store. "Mission accomplished" I smiled at Noah. "Wait does that mean I have to stop now?" he asked sadly. "no" I told him as he pressed his lips back to mine.

**Jesse**

Disgusting, revolting, just ugh. I couldn't get out fast enough. Maybe she wasn't lying. I was stupid to come back. I should have never done this. She clearly doesn't want me. She's made that clear enough. This whole entire plan was stupid. I never knew the degree I hurt her but I knew it was bad. What the hell was I thinking? Stupid stupid stupid. I sat in my range rover. Nothing worked. Not the notes, not the songs, not the flowers, not the kiss. Relationships aren't one sided. I should give up, she has no feeling for me and I'm just throwing myself at her. She was the female Jesse. St. James and I was about to lose her. That's it! She's the female me, and if it's one thing I know it's how I'm wired. Perfect.

I stood outside the coffee shop; I knew she always came here. I just hope she's not with puck. I saw the door open and she came out in her red petticoat. "Rachel" I said she turned and furrowed her eye brows. At me. "I thought I said I wanted nothing to do with you" she huffed. "I know, so I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm leaving tomorrow. So I thought I should say bye to you in person. So goodbye Rachel, maybe we'll meet again when we both are accomplished stars, with families, and lives." I told her offering a small smile as I turned around.

Rachel.

_Families. _The idea of him with another girl downright outraged me. I had no idea why but I hated the idea of him marrying someone. Who would he marry? A blonde bimbo? Gold digger? It made me even angrier. I felt my fists automatically tighten. "Jesse wait" I told him. He turned around. "Is there any way you could stay?" I blurted out. "Possibly If I can pull a few strings, I don't know I just don't feel like I have any real purpose here anymore, time to start living my other dreams" he shrugged. Other? "What if we can be friends? Would you stay?" I asked him. "I think I could, I'll make some calls and get back to you by the end of tonight" he told me. I nodded. "And Jesse?" I asked. "Yes?" he replied. "What was your original dream here?" I asked, wasn't it Broadway? "To marry you" he said before turning back around and walking into the night.

I sat by my phone, waiting nervously. What if he can't stay? How would I live seeing him with some dumb blonde bimbo with no talent? Or a gold digger? I shook those images form my head as soon as they entered. Friends. I could handle that. Doing friendly things, shopping, cooking, and watching movies. Yeah. My phone vibrated and I picked it up. "Well looks like I'm staying" I squealed. "That's great! I thought to try out our newly found friendship we could go to the mall tomorrow" I told him. "Sounds like a- like fun" he caught himself. "I'll see you there by the Starbucks at two" I told him before I hung up.

I took a deep breath and headed towards the Starbucks. He was standing there sipping a coffee. He looked up and smiled. "Hi" I greeted him. "Hey" he smiled and wrapped his arms around me; I gave him a confused look. "Friends give friends hugs" he pointed out. "Guess so" I mumbled. "So where to first?" he asked. "Macy's" I told him. He nodded and we started to walk side by side to the department store. "Oh look at this" I said picking up a plaid dress. "What about this?" he asked holding up a dress with reindeer on it. "Can you find me a size three?" I asked him, he nodded and started looking for one. I found an entire rack of animal sweaters and got excited. "Here we go" he said handing me the dress. "Thanks look at all of these" I squealed looking at the sweaters. "Very Rachel Berry" he smirked. I took two, a horse, and an ice cream one. "Now I have to find skirts come on" I told him taking his hand, I felt happy.

"Ok how about this one?" I asked coming out of the room with the outfit I picked out on. "I like it, defiantly that one but try on the one I picked out" he told me. "Ok be right back out" I told him as I tried on the one he picked out, it was a cocktail looking dress but it had hearts on it. He had matching tights with it. I slipped the tights on and went out. "It's cute" I told him twirling around. "It's perfect" he smiled. "Fine it is" I agreed. "Ok how about we go pick you out some clothes now?" I asked him. "Fine by me" he said standing up; I took what I wanted from the fitting room. "What about this?" I asked holding up a pink sweater vest. "Pink? Not like gray or black?" he asked looking at it. "Unless you think this little sweater vest might take away your man hood then yes pink" I smirked knowing his buttons. "Give me it" he sighed I happily handed it over. "Oh and a white or black shirt under it" I said. "Black" he agreed.

"Come on just come out" I told him. He opened the door. The pink sweater vest looked adorable. "It's pink" he said horrified. "It's cute turn around" I told him. He turned around in a full circle. "I personally love it" I told him lying back on my hands. "Fine I'll get it but you have to wear what I picked out" he smirked. "And vice versa and I want to see it" I told him. "Fine lets go buy these and we can each change into them" he grinned. "Deal" I agreed as he took the clothes and we went to the register.

"I still think you look cute in it" I told him. He cocked his eyebrow at me. "you know what I mean" I told him. "And I still think you got the better end of this" he told me. "How about this how about we go back in there and we switch styles, I wear something Jesse St. James and you'll wear something Rachel berry" I told him. "Fine only because I'll get to see you in leather" he smirked. I groaned.

"I feel like a biker" I told him as we walked out of Macy's for the second time. "I feel like a school nerd" he laughed. I looked at him, he did find an sweater it had a heart on it and since he obviously wasn't going to do a skirt he found pants to do with it. "look at me, I have a black shirt and black leather jacket, I feel like I should be going to a bar or a derby" I smirked at him. "I like black" he shrugged. "And these shoes are like big and clompy. The only thing I'm missing is a huge ego and curly hair" I giggled. "The shoes, and plus you skipped out on leather pants" he told me. "You don't wear leather pants" I told him. "I know" he smirked. "That's just lovely, oh lets go to bath and body" I told him taking his hand again. "That place smells so bad" he complained. "Quiet you" I told him as I dragged him along.

"Smell" I told him holding my wrist up. "Too floral" he said. I sighed. "Then you pick something out" I told him. he walked away and came back with a bottle, he took my hand and sprayed it. "Smell it" he told me, I picked up my hand. It smelled like apples and candy, "smells good" I told him as he smirked, "I'm always right" he sighed. "Right" I nodded sarcastically. "You know it's true berry" he grinned. "Whatever St. James" I told him. "So were to now, so I can tell you how right I am" he smirked. "Victoria secretes unless you can't control yourself" I told him smirking. "I can control myself" he spat. I shrugged and started walking towards the store.

"Oh this is cute" I said holding up yoga pants. I looked over to see Jesse looking into the other section. Typical. "Jesse" I called he looked over. "Control eh?" I asked him. "I think you'd look good in that" he said pointing towards a red lingerie wearing manikin. "Friends don't tell each other they'd look good in lingerie, especially ones with boyfriends" I told him walking back over to the pants. "Sorry, lost myself and I could take puckermen anytime any day" he smiled. I shook my head. "do you like these?" I asked him holding up the yoga pants. "Yeah they'd look good with that off the shoulder sweater you have I think its gray" he said thinking. I looked down, he remembers that sweater? I was practicing my ballet. "I guess it would, wait don't answer that" I told him holding a finger up as if to stop him. "Ok then I won't" he smirked. "But you know it's true" he whispered.

"Look a leather store" he said looking into a store filled with different leather things. "It's like your candy store" I giggled. "Let's go in, maybe find you some pants" he smirked taking my hand and led me into the store. "Hey Jesse" the store clerk waved, "hey bob" he waved back. "Who's your friend haven't seen her around" he asked. He was an old man in his fifties, so I didn't think it mattered. "I'm Rachel berry, his friend" I told bob holding out my hand. "I guess you come here frequently" I said looking over my shoulder at him. "Guilty" he laughed. "Nice to meet you bob" I smiled as I went back over to where Jesse was. "Look at the over the shoulder bags, and the jackets, oh and purses I'll be over here" I told him walking over to the purses. I spotted a pink one. I picked it up and looked at it. "Rachel how about this?" he asked as he had another type of leather jacket on. "Isn't that the same one you have?" I asked him. He shook his head. "No, but never mind" he told me as I swayed my attention back to the purses.

"I still can't believe you go in there that often; I giggled. "I like my leather" he shrugged. "I've seen" I smirked. "I still think you should adapt my style" he told me. "You'd wish" I laughed. "Yeah I do wish" he grinned. "Well it's almost eight I better get going" I told him. "I guess so it was nice to interact like this again" he told me. "I agree we should have little meet ups like this more often" I told him. "Well bye rach-el" he said wrapped his arms back around me. "Bye Jesse" I smiled as he released me. "I'll see you around" he smiled as he both went our spate ways.


	11. Chapter 11

I settled into my car with my bags in the bag seat. I turned my car on and I was about on flip the radio when the lyrics caught my attention,

_I Miss Your Soft Lips,_

_I Miss Your White Sheets._

_I Miss The Scratch Of Your Shaved Face On My Cheek._

_And this is so hard,_

_Cause I didn't see,_

_That you were the love of my life and it kills me._

_I see your face in, strangers on the street._

_I still say your name when I'm talking in sleep._

_And in the long light, I play it all fine._

_But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light._

_But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light._

_They say that true love hurts,_

_Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder,_

_That is what this must be._

_I would give it all,_

_To not be sleeping alone._

_The life is fading from me,_

_While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder, that is what this this must be._

_And I would give is all,_

_To not be sleeping alone._

_Remember the time we, jumped the fence when the Stones were playing, and we were to broke to get in._

_You held my hand and they made me crawl._

_I swear to God that it was the best night of my life._

_Or when you took me, across the world,_

_We promised this would last forever but now I see._

_It was my past life._

_A beautiful time._

_Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight. Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight._

_They say that true love hurts,_

_Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder,_

_That is what this must be._

_And I would give it all,_

_To not be sleeping alone._

_The life is fading from me,_

_While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder,_

_That is what this this must be._

_And I would give is all,_

_To not be sleeping alone._

_It was the past life._

_A beautiful time._

_Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight._

_They say that true love hurts,_

_Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder, that is what this must be._

_And I would give it all, to not be sleeping alone. The life is fading from me, while you watch my heart bleed._

_Young love murder, that is what this this must be. And I would give is all, to not be sleeping alone._

I turned right as the lyrics still sank in. _They say that true love hurts; well this could almost kill me. _There was no way I was back on love with him. Why would I be? After all he's done. After what he put me through last year, he doesn't even deserve my friendship. But I had to or he would leave and end up marrying some bimbo. And I only care about who he marries because I'm his friend, yes in a friend way. I don't love him, I just care about him in a sister brother way right? Yeah like siblings.

**Jesse**

I flipped through the stations as one of the songs caught me,

_Uh uh uh) _

_I was thinking about her _

_Thinking bout me _

_Thinkin bout us (us) _

_What we gunna be? _

_Open my eyes, (Yeah) _

_it was only just a dream... _

_So I travel back (uh) _

_down that road (road) _

_Will she come back? (Uh) _

_No one knows _

_I realize (Yeah) _

_It was only just a dream. _

_I was at the top and now its like I'm in the basement _

_Number 1 spot, Now she find her a replacement _

_I swear now I can't take it _

_Knowing somebody's got my baby _

_Now you ain't around, baby I can't think _

_I shoulda put it down, shoulda got that ring _

_Cuz I can still feel it in the air _

_See her pretty face, run my fingers through her hair _

_My love of my life, My shawty, my wife _

_She left me, Im tied. _

_Cuz I knew that it just ain't right _

_I was thinking about her _

_Thinking bout me _

_Thinkin bout us (us) _

_What we gunna be? _

_Open my eyes, (Yeah) _

_it was only just a dream... _

_So I travel back (Uh) _

_Down that road (Yeah) _

_Will she come back? (back) _

_No one knows _

_I realize (Yeah) _

_It was only just a dream. _

_When I be ridin' man I swear I see your face at every turn _

_Trying to get my usher on but I can't let it burn _

_And I just hope she know that she the only one I yearn for _

_More and more, I miss her, when will I learn? _

_Didn't give her all my love _

_I guess now I got my payback _

_Now i'm in the club thinking all about my baby _

_HEY, she was so easy to love _

_But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough _

_I'm going through it everytime that I'm alone _

_And now I'm wishin' wishin' she'd pick up the phone _

_But she made a decision that she wanted to move on _

_Cause I was wrong. _

_I was thinking about her _

_Thinking bout me _

_Thinkin bout us (us) _

_What we gunna be? _

_Open my eyes, (Yeah) _

_it was only just a dream... _

_So I travel back (Uh) _

_Down that road (road) _

_Will she come back? (back) _

_No one knows _

_I realize (Yeah) _

_It was only just a dream... _

_If you ever loved somebody put your hands up _

_If you ever loved somebody put your hands up _

_And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything _

_I was thinking about her _

_Thinking bout me _

_Thinkin bout us (us) _

_What we gunna be? _

_Open my eyes, (Yeah) _

_it was only just a dream... _

_So I travel back (Uh) _

_Down that road (road) _

_Will she come back? (back) _

_No one knows _

_I realize (Yeah) _

_It was only just a dream... _

I sighed and sank back into the seat. _And I just hope she know that she the only one I yearn for_. I looked down at the heart sweater I was still in. it was ridiculous looking but, I felt closer to her in it. Now I especially have to keep it at a friend's distance because of her_ boyfriend_. Puck, what a joke, he has no talent; he keeps up with her better than Finn does but not better than me. I should have never went back to V.A. I should have been there for her. I should have shielded her. She had even more things I could have done. And I wouldn't be in this mess right now.

I decided to keep the sweater on. I put away the rest of the things I bought, the pink vest (for Rachel), the black shirt, and some other stuff. I still remember when I said "families" to her and I remember her keeping her show face perfect. I had a hard time getting it out, because I wasn't going to settle for someone that wasn't Rachel. Even if I have to wait five years to have her, I'll wait.

**Rachel **

I held the leather jacket up, it reminded me of him. Brotherly love. I reminded myself. I laid the jacket over the back of my chair. I set out my new items my new outfits even the one he chose. I lined up my new bath and body products he also picked out. I sniffed my wrist, it smelled like him, apples, and candy. Brotherly love. I changed into my heart pajamas and settled into my bed. I found my eyes wandering back to the jacket over my chair. Brotherly love. That's all this is. He's like my brother. Right. Yes. Brotherly love.

I woke up and stretched as something fell out of my hand. I looked down, the leather jacket. I slept with the leather jacket. I must have sleep walked and got it. Why would my self-continence get the leather jacket? I took it with me and put it back on the chair. Today was Friday and a sudden idea struck me.

"Oh what the hell!" artie said looking at me. "That turns me on" puck smirked. I sat down at my seat. I had my leather jacket on, with the black shirt, but this time actual leather leggings, and I couldn't resist curling my hair. "'s son came back as a girl?' Britney asked. "It's me" I told her. She twisted her face up confused and sat down. "Ok am I trippin or are you dressing like him?" she asked as she sat down. "I am, we went to the mall yesterday and we switched styles and I decided to wear it today" I shrugged.

"You actually look hot berry, yay" Santana smirked walking past my locker, I was surprised see was nice after our throw down. I grabbed my bag and left. I fished for my keys in my pockets. "Rachel?" a voice asked I turned around to a wide eyed Jesse. "This doesn't look good does it?" I asked looking at myself. He scratched his head. "You look exactly like me, even more than yesterday" he smirked. "I liked it" I shrugged. "You even curled your hair and leather leggings? Let me guess grease right?" he asked. "Yes, yes, and yes" I told him. I looked over him his leather jacket, his black pants, black shirt, and curly hair. "I wanted to know if you wanted to go get coffee, as friends but while you look like a Rachel St. James, I might not be able to control myself" he grinned.

"I like the curls" he smiled as I stirred my coffee. "Thanks" I told him. It was kind of awkward. Especially since yesterday. "So how's the monst- puck?" he asked catching himself. "Good, he liked this look too." I smirked. "Well imagine that" he said sarcastically. "What?" I asked. "Nothing" he said. "No repeat what you said" I told him. "I said imagine that" he shrugged. "Really?" I asked him. "Well he is a bit of a man whore" he sighed. "As my friend you have no right to judge my boyfriend like that, keep it to yourself. Noah is fine and I'm sorry that you have a school girl crush on me" I told him he forced out a laugh. "School girl crush? I'm head over heels in love with you; I know you refuse to even listen to me saying that I love you. I love you, only you, and forever you and no man whore is going to change that. I don't care if your taken, I'll wait." He told me. Brotherly love. I reminded myself. "Well your good at playing love games let's see you play the waiting game" I told him as I stood up. "Have fun" I whispered before I walked away.

Brotherly love. That's all. _We promised this would last forever but now I see._ _It was my past life.__A beautiful time._

Past life. I sighed opening my night table, I took out the picture I stuffed to the very bottom, it was when the glee club went to the roller rink. I looked at us, I was laughing as Mercedes took the picture. Jesse was smiling looking at me laughing. Past life. It was fun. We looked so happy, so in love. We were even the stars at the roller rink; we did little tricks to show what we could do. I sighed and tucked the picture back to the bottom. I felt my phone vibrate.

_Rachel, I'm sorry I just, can't stand to see you with him. But I'm truly sorry I acted that way I didn't mean to offend you. And I'm sorry. I was hoping we could hang out tomorrow? _

I sighed. I probably did over re-act I do tend to do that sometimes. I sighed and hit reply

_Apology accepted and that sounds lovely why don't you come over to my house and we'll hang out _

I didn't mention that my dad's wouldn't be home because when we dated I used to tell him that and we would make out_. _I didn't need him taking it the wrong way.

_Sounds good see you then_

Brotherly love. I reminded myself as I waited for him to come. I jumped when the doorbell rang. I opened it. "Hi" I smiled. "Hello" he smirked. I stepped aside as he came in. "so what are we going to do, hopefully watch movies am I right?" he grinned. "Like always" I muttered. He laughed. "Let's go pick one out" I told him walking up to my room. I remember the last time he was in my room he forced me to listen to the tape. "Nothing's changed" he smiled. "Yep" I nodded. I looked over to him; he was sitting on my bed like he always did. Brotherly love. "I say we watch either grease or west side story" he said. I looked down at my hands which were holding both. "I say both" I smiled. "Sounds perfect" he agreed.

"The bad boys are always so hot" I sighed he looked at me. "Well, just how they seem so tough and they are really sweet, not that it's the leather or motorcycles or anything" I caught myself. "And the good girls are always so hot too' he sighed. I looked at him. "They seem so innocent but then they get sneaky hot" he smiled. He was pointing his comment towards me. "I have the outfit she wears at the end" I smiled. "I wouldn't doubt it" he commented. "I always wanted to find the Danny to my sandy maybe I'll meet him on Broadway" I sighed leaning into the couch.

"I never understood cha cha she so old looking and just un-attractive and yet Danny dances with her. Ugh" I sighed. "She forces him to" Jesse commented. "Know who cha cha reminds me of?" I asked him grinning. "Who?" he asked. "Giselle" I laughed he did too. "I see that resemblance now" he laughed some more. "Same attitude they share too" I remarked.

"I think it's so sweet how he wears that just for her" I smiled. "And she changes for him" he noted. "I love how they match" I grinned. "We matched yesterday" he smirked. "It's not the same thing" I told him. "Why?" he asked. "Because I don't return the feelings Jesse" I told him. He sank back into the couch. "I just have feelings for someone else" I told him.

"How about we listen to music instead of another movie?" I asked him. "Sounds good" he said as we got up and headed to my room. "Can you show me your grease outfit?" he asked from my bed again. "Jesse" I warned. "You would for Kurt or another friend" he pointed out "fine as a friend I will show you it" I told him heading to my closest. I grabbed it and went into my bathroom. "Here we go" I said stepping out. I watched as he lay up from my bed and started to walk over to me. "How about some music?" he asked as adjusted my iPod. "You're the one that I want" came through my speakers. "How appropriate" I smiled. "Come on "he laughed. "It's just weird I have this on and your always dressed like Danny and it well you know" I said crossing my arms over myself. Brotherly love. "Seems like we are sandy and Danny?' he asked smirking. "Used to" I corrected him. "We just dress like them" I also pointed out.

"You know part of me wouldn't doubt you own a poodle skirt" he smiled. "That's because I do own a poodle skirt its pink" I told him. He laughed. "What? it's not like you don't own a T bird jacket" I told him. "True, very true" he agreed. "You know what style I don't get?" I asked from my blue chair. "What style don't you understand Miss Berry?" he asked. "That thing boys do with their pants, they sag them so their boxers hang out. Its degusting and just revolting I don't need to see that" I told him. "What If I started to sag my pants?" he asked forming a smirk on his face. "I'd shove a belt in your face and possibly hit you with it" I laughed. "Really?" he asked. "Positive" I told him. "Know what I don't get?" he asked. "What?" I asked smiling. "That Hollister stuff, it's like you pay thirty dollars for them to advertise on your chest." He said. "Oh I know" I agreed. "It's just honestly stupid" he told me.

"I should teach you how to play the piano, it's a useful thing to know" he told me. "Well, I guess it would with auditions and in necessary situations" I agreed. "Great, then you'll come over my house and I'll teach you" he smiled. "I bet I'll be better than you" I smirked. "The teacher becomes a student scenario?" he asked. "Exactly" I told him. "You're on" he laughed. "You bet" I told him. "Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow" he said. "Yeah I'll see you tomorrow bye Jesse" I smiled as he walked out. I closed the door and headed back up to my room, to get a good night's rest.

"It feels so weird being here" I said walking in to his house. "Yeah I guess it would" he sighed. "The pianos up stairs" he said nodding his head towards the stair case. "Then let's go" I smiled.

"I sound horrible" I sighed "no it just needs work" he told me. "Can you play something for me?" I asked. "Sure" he smiled "bohemian rhapsody" I told him, he eyed me. Then started playing it. "I always loved how it sounded since I saw you play it" I smiled. I started to hum along to it. "You did deserve to win though" he told me. "I know" I sighed. I heard him chuckle. "so how about I actually teach you something?" he asked. "Like how to have a huge ego?" I asked smirking. "Sure right after the piano" he said.

"See you picked it up fast" he said as I played a tune he showed me. "I just wish I could actually play something, like Barbra or Broadway" I sighed. "I know a few Barbra songs" he smirked. "Teach me them" I told him. "Ok watch my hands and join in" he told me as he started to play it he also sang it softly.

_I've dreamed of you _

_Always feeling you were there. _

_And all my life _

_I have searched for you everywhere. _

_I caught your smile in the morning sun _

_I heard your whisper on the breeze at night. _

_I prayed one day _

_That your arms would hold me tight. _

_And just when I _

_Thought love had passed me by _

_We met. _

_That first look in your eyes I can't forget. _

_You melted me with your tender touch. _

_I felt all fear and sorrow slip away. _

_Now here we stand _

_Hand in hand _

_This blessed day. _

_I promise you _

_As I give to you my heart _

_That nothing in this world _

_Shall keep us apart. _

_Come happily ever after be _

_The man I'll love until the very end. _

_I've dreamed of you _

_My great love and my best friend. _

_For God must know _

_How I love you so. _

_He's blessed us here today as man and wife. _

_Come dream with me _

_As I've dreamed of you _

_All my life. _

_Come dream with me _

_As I have dreamed of you _

_All my life. _

I watched our hands, about a quarter of a millimeter away; I might lose myself after that. I stood up. "i-i-I have to go" I told him making my way out. "Rachel wait" he called after me as I padded down the stairs. "Rachel" he yelled after me, I didn't look back I shut my door and started to put it in reverse. I saw as he watched from the porch that was the first time I'd ever seen Jesse St. James shed a tear.


	12. Chapter 12

**Jesse**

I couldn't do anything right! I can never make the right move. I can't deal with just being friends. I scoffed at the word, friends. Puckerman was a joke. And a sad one at that. Everything I have done hasn't gotten her yet. I am running out of ideas. I have no idea what else to do, I have sent her notes, sang her songs, made her a c.d, flirted, played her Barbra, everything! I was lost with what to do with Rachel. I needed her she was like my crack, my own personal crack. I needed her to breath, to sleep, to eat, to live. I didn't know if she returned my feelings, she's worn a pretty good front. That was another thing I noticed about her, she had an even better poker face than she had. I tried my best to decipher her. But I had no real idea what she felt about me. I just need an insider, a person who can ask her, bingo.

"Hey this is Jesse St. James before you hang up please hear me out" I asked

"Fine"

"Ok I love Rachel, I need her, and she's my life. And I need to know if she even returns even a little of my feelings and I was hoping you could ask her?" I asked

"Yeah white boy, like I would. Rachel's a hard code to crack. She ain't something to be played how do I know you aint playin my girl?" she asked

"Mercedes I love Rachel. I wouldn't dream of hurting her again. I know those consequences. And I don't want to re live them" I told her

"Ok white boy, ill ask but if she don't wanna talk I aint gonna push her. And I think we both know this is a waste of our time, she dressed like you, we both know Rachel doesn't just dress up every day white boy" and with that she hung up

**Rachel  
**

I bounced my knee as we waited for . "Why are you so on edge?" Mercedes asked. "Im not on edge" I told her, she laughed. "You're on edge" she told me. "Fine I am" I admitted. "But why Rachel berry never gets nervous" she smirked. "Im not nervous I just have something's weighing down on me" I told her. She set her head on her hands. "Like what?" she asked. "Homework, carrying most of this club, regionals, school, boys, music, everything" I sighed. "Boys? She asked. "Yes" I told her. "Boys as in him?" she asked. "Maybe, no, well kind of, yes" I finally admitted. "Why is he putting you on edge?" she asked furrowing her eyebrows. "I don't know, we've been going over each other's houses and hanging out, he was going to teach me the piano, but he's been trying really hard with me, he wants me back and I just don't know" I huffed leaning back. "Why it's been months" she asked. "Because Our friendship seemed forced to me, like I had to choose or I would lose him and some part of me asked to be friends, which I think was a rash thing to do now I think about it, and now i think I might be falling in love with him again, and I don't want to" I sighed looking away.

"Wait so what you said before glee is you think your falling in love with him again?" she asked me as we walked out to the parking lot. "Maybe, I think so I don't know cedes, I don't want to fall in love with him. I don't after what he did I just can't. I know I told him I forgave him, but there's always that part of me that doesn't and says screw him and then there's the other part that says oh he's your soul mate forgive him. It's like the angel and devil sitting on my shoulders telling me what to do" I sighed. "just follow your heart, and if your heart says screw him then fine and if it says run away to Vegas and get married I aint in no place to stop you" she shrugged. "Thanks cedes but I don't think you have to worry about either" I laughed. She laughed too. "Ok girl I'll see you later" she smiled. "Bye" I waved.

**Jesse**

"What did she say?" I asked eagerly. "Whoa slow down white boy" she told me "sorry I just have been on edge all day waiting" I sighed. "That makes two of you then" she laughed. "What?" I asked missing something. "She was on edge as hell in glee, I asked and she said just about everything and in between them all was boys so I asked" she told me "and-"I pushed on. "She feels like your friendship is forced, and she thinks she might be falling in love with you again and she doesn't want to" she told me." I did kind of force the friendship on her. "What do you mean she doesn't want to?" I asked. "She says she forgave you, but there's always that part that can't forget what you did. And she's torn" she told me. "She's torn?" I asked. "Keep up white boy and yes she is torn figure it out. And im not being your little inside to Rachel. I just feel bad I mean come on Rachel's one of the only people I know will refuse to admit she's wrong, she's stubborn and she sure as hell won't admit she's in love with you easily. And she doesn't like forced things. Keep that in mind St. James" she told me. "Thank you Mercedes but I have to go thank you" I told her but not before I could hear he whisper" don't mess this time up".

I debated my next move with Rachel. She feels our friendship is forced (which I guess it is). She also feels like she might be falling in love with me again and doesn't want to. What do I do now? I could invite her over, but that probably wouldn't work out, again. Her house was fun but didn't progress us more. The mall. I even got her to dress like me. I should invite her to the mall with me. I took out my phone.

"Hello"

"Hi Jesse"

"How are you on this fine evening?"

"Good, you?"

"Great I just wanted to know if you wanted to come to the mall with me, as friends"

"Well, I guess I could. You know as friends. Last time was fun. Ok I'll meet you at two by the Starbucks again?"

"Sounds great Rachel I'll see you there"

"ok bye Jesse"

I smiled. Tomorrow was going to be great.

I waited by the Starbucks stand for her. It was ten minutes till two. I took a sip of the coffee in my hands. I looked up to see her walked towards me, in her sweater and skirt outfit. I smiled. "Hello" I greeted her with a hug. "Hi where are we off to?" she asks smiling. "The book store to check out some biographies and music none less" I smiled. "Of course" she laughed as we walked side by side.

"Look at this, who is this girl? The queen of making women look trashy?" she asked me holding up a book with a short, orange, girl on it. "Sno-ky what the hell is a guido?" I asked her. "Beats me" she shrugged. She put the book back down and looked at the others. i picked up a Barbra Streisand biography. "Look" I smiled as she turned her head; I watched her eyes light up. "Thank you" she told me taking it out of my hands. "And looky what I found" she smirked holding up the biography of the band queen, which I was fond of. "Touché" I smiled as she handed me the book. I flipped through some more until I accidently knocked one of the books off the shelf. I bent over and picked it up. "Lionel Richie" I smiled. Of all the biographies his falls out between me and Rachel? "Look" I told her holding it up. "Lionel Richie eh?" she asked quoting our first time we met. I laughed. "Yeah weird" I sighed tucking it back into the shelf.

"Oh look there's that new shoe store, let's go" she smiled as we walked next to each other to the shoe store. "What about these?" she asked holding up a pair of stiletto's that would give her about five inches to her height. "I don't think so" I told her. She frowned. "I'm still trying them on" she said sitting herself down on the soft round chair circle in the middle. "Can you help me buckle these please?" she asked. I knelt down and strapped them, a nice thing I know since the V.A girls had their shoes broken all the time we had to know how to fix them. "If the slipper fits" I mumbled. "Thanks" she smiled as she stood up. "See I can pull these off, Rachel berry can pull an-"she wobbled backwards about to fall, I quickly caught her in my arms. She looked at me from a tango dip position she was in. "You were saying?" I asked as I slowly leaned her back up. "you're always right huh?" she asked folding her arms against her chest. "Always" I agreed.

"Im going to be stuck with penny loafers my whole life aren't i?" She asked me. "No, but you shouldn't go straight to the five inch shoes first" I told her. She let out a long sigh. "I would say let's go to victoria's secret but after the last time, I don't think so" she said as we walked past the store. "All I did was make a few suggestions" I told her. She gave me a scowl. "Very inappropriate ones" she pointed out. "Still suggestions" I told her. "Look a pet store" she smiled. "Well lets go" I told her knowing it would make her happy.

"I like this one, it's cute" I told her pointing to a little brown dog with curly fur. She giggled once she saw it. "I once read this theory that people look like their pets, I guess it's true. I mean the little puppy had the same hair as you" she smiled. "Huh I guess it does. Now let me guess which one you like" I smirked. "But Jesse, there are over fifty dogs in here" she told me matter of factly. "And I will know exactly which one" I told her descending down the aisle. I ended up deciding on a little Maltese looking dog that had a long black shiny coat, and big brown eyes. It was cute. "This one is Rachel junior" I told her. "You saw me looking at her" she told me. "Promise I didn't. She just looks like you and most importantly would look adorable with that little brown dog I saw" I joked. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "She's so cute." she cooed at the little dog. "Well maybe next time we come back you could get her because if I remember your dad is allergic to certain furs?" I asked. "ye-yes" she stammered. We reached the exit of the store. "Hey Rachel I'll be right back I want to see something" I told her descending back into the store. I went to the counter. "Can you hold the little black dog and the brown one?" I asked the lady. "Name?" she asked. "St. James" I told her. "We can only hold them for a month" she told me. "That's perfect thank you" I told the woman and walked back to Rachel.

"So where to?" she asked me. "I think there's a properly filled music store near the gap" I suggested. "Sounds wonderful, by the way do you know that the warblers, their like Dalton's glee club, anyway they performed at a gap? Blaine the guy Kurt likes actually sang to the junior manager, while Kurt stood by and watched. We had a girl's night after the whole thing." She told me. "No, that's interesting though. Blaine's the one I asked to get you right?" I asked. With a slight smirk on my face. "Yes. He's actually rather handsome, if I do say so myself. Very dapper" she giggled. "Really? What does Blaine have on the charm?" I asked her. "Well not the hair, probably he could give me vaguely Eurasian looking children" she smiled. "Eurasian?" I asked mockingly. "And very talented" she added. "Does Puckerman know about your little crush?" I teased. She looked at me confused. "Oh yeah, he doesn't mind. Very uh supportive" she nodded. Strange. "You know we would have the most talented and beautiful children?" I asked her grinning as I spotted the music store. "Of course" she said rolling her eyes at me,.

"I think every music store should have Barbra song books front and center. I mean really as much as I appreciate lady gaga's unique-ness, Barbra deserves to be the main focus of every music store." She said looking at the main display in the middle of the store, which were of lady gaga's music. "And Freddie" I added. She smirked. "of course because Freddie and Barbra go so well together, I mean nothing goes together better than papa can you hear me and tutu frutti" she told me sarcastically. "Well opposites do attract and I can't imagine anything more opposite than Barbra and Freddie" I pointed out to her. She looked up at me from the sheet music she was flipping through. "Touché Mr. St. James" she smirked. I leaned back onto the wall as she flipped through sheet music. "Im always right" I muttered.

"which one I can't decide, I mean Chicago was so bold and daring with roxie hart and the whole entire scandal and Rocky horror was so boundary pushing, I mean not to say I enjoyed having the lead when we almost did it for glee club but still" she sighed looking at them. "Chicago most defiantly. I mean the musical scenes and just so well put together, the whole environment seems Broadway- esqe" I told her. "And when it first came out I was in love with the "both reached for the gun scene." I smirked. "Then Chicago it is" she smiled setting the other one back onto the shelf.

"I have to go; my dad's want me home for dinner. Have something important to tell me. probably just another cruise, or business meeting they often go one, but still dads like to tell me" she said as we found our way back to the Starbucks. "Well, maybe sometime we could go to dinner, as friends of course" I told her smirking. "Well as friends, that would be fine" she nodded. "So I'll call you later" I smiled. "Bye Jesse" she smiled as she headed the opposite way.

**Rachel**

I smiled as I un-locked my car. Everything went well. Besides Jesse's endless flirting and I partially forgot puck was my fake boyfriend. This could have been disastrous to say the least. I got into my car and adjusted my seat; I shut the door and started driving. I un-muted my radio and another random station came on, even though last time I had my c.d in.

_I throw all of your stuff away_

_Then I clear you out of my head_

_I tear you out of my heart_

_And ignore all your messages_

_I tell everyone we are through_

_'Cause I'm so much better without you_

_But it's just another pretty lie_

_'Cause I break down_

_Every time you come around_

_Oh oh!_

_So how did you get here under my skin?_

_I swore that I'd never let you back in_

_Should've known better than trying to let you go_

_'Cause here we go go go again_

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

_We're falling together, you'd think that by now I'd know_

_'Cause here we go go go again_

_You never know what you want_

_And you never say what you mean_

_But I start to go insane_

_Every time that you look at me_

_You only hear half of what I say_

_And you're always showing up too late_

_And I know that I should say goodbye_

_But it's no use_

_Can't be with or without you!_

_Oh oh_

_So how did you get here under my skin?_

_I swore that I'd never let you back in_

_Should've known better than trying to let you go_

_'Cause here we go go go again_

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

_We're falling together, you'd think that by now I'd know_

_'Cause here we go go go again, 'gain_

_And again_

_(And again)_

_And again_

_(And again)_

_And again!_

_I threw all of your stuff away_

_And I cleared you out of my head_

_And I tore you out of my heart_

_Oh oh, oh oh_

_So how did you get here under my skin?_

_I swore that I'd never let you back in_

_Should've known better than trying to let you go_

_'Cause here we go go go again_

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

_We're falling together, you'd think that by now I'd know_

_'Cause here we go go_

_Here we go again_

_Here we go again!_

_Should've known better than trying to let you go_

_'Cause here we go go go again_

_Again_

_And again_

_And again_

_And again_

...

I sighed and stared at the red stoplight, stupid creepy radio. I pressed it back into mute. That's the second time it's done _that. _I mean it's just creepy. Unless someone is messing around with my signal on it. I wonder if I un muted it again if it would play another song like _that._ I un-muted it again.

_He got a big ego, such a huge ego_

_I love his big ego, it's too much_

_He walk like this 'cause he can back it up_

_Usually I'm humble, right now I don't choose_

_You can leave with me or you could have the blues_

_Some call it arrogant, I call it confident_

_You decide when you find on what I'm working with_

I quickly pressed the button back to mute. I should make a note to ask daddy if I can drive his car from now on. Because someone has had to bug my car. Im sure of it. I mean those type of songs just don't randomly pop up, do they? First a song about rekindling a flame and the next about someone having a big ego? I mean honestly? Maybe I can see if artie will check out my car, he's good with all of that, he helped me with run joey run.

"Im home dads" I said as I shut the door behind me. "Oh good come in here sweetie" dad said. "Sit down" he smiled as I took a seat next to dad and across from daddy. Which was weird because dad and daddy always sat by each other. "Is it another business trip?" I ask dad frowns. "Rachel none of this is your fault, but your dad and I are getting a divorce" he spoke slowly. "What?" I asked softly. "We've grown apart and lost each other" daddy told me. "You can't divorce!" I cried as I tear slipped out. "Rachel sweetie, it'll be ok. You'll spend half the year with each of us. And we still love you just as much." Dad said. I stood up and walked out of the room, and ran to my room as soon as I was out of sight.

I flung myself on my bed in tears. They can't divorce! Love doesn't die. It fades but never dies. They could do consoling again, yeah that would help. It would do the trick. They can't divorce. I don't want a broken family, well more broken than it already is. I corrected myself thinking of Shelby. I felt a whole new round of tears come. I need someone to talk to. I grabbed my phone and dialed the first number I could think of.

"Hello?"

"My dads are divorcing"

"Oh my god im coming over"

"You can't"

"I am"

"You are still hated here by my dad's"

"Seems their hatred might be somewhere else tonight, I'll be there in ten"

"Fine"

"Don't worry"

"Thank you" I whispered before I hung up. I had no idea how my dad's, were going to take seeing Jesse. They would most likely assume we're back together. Which were not, as much as those creepy radio songs try to say I'm falling back into the same track. I got up off my bed and walked quietly downstairs. I heard yelling voices. I didn't bother to look in, I knew they were fighting. I quietly walked outside and sat on the porch waiting for Jesse.

"Rachel" he said as stood up. He half ran over to me and wrapped his arms around me and I cried on his shirt. "It's fine, shh. It'll be fine" he cooed rubbing my back. "I don't want a more broken family" I cried. I felt him tense. "It'll be fine. Rachel. You'll still see them and their love for you won't change" he told me softly. "Love doesn't die Jesse, it can't die. Love shouldn't die" I sniffed. "Sometimes it does, or it just fades away slowly. But im sure your dads will be civil about it all" he said as a huge crash come from inside the house. I froze. "Or not" he mumbled as he took my hand and walked in to the house.

"Well you're a man whore!" dad yelled. "Why because I don't love you anymore!" daddy yelled back. "No, because you're going off with a little blond tramp" he spat. I stood behind Jesse. We watched as they went back and forth breaking other various objects, and the glass vase was all over the ground. "Im leaving now, I thought you would be civil. I'll be at the holiday inn" daddy yelled as he went out the back door. "Fine! Leave see if I care!" dad yelled back as the back door slammed shut. I let a tear slip down as I gripped onto Jesse's arm. Dad stood there breathing hastily. I sniffled and he looked over. "Jesse?" he asked. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked. I peeked out from behind him. "I needed someone to talk to" I said softly. "Why not call Kurt or Mercedes. Why would you call this this douche bag" he cried out. "Dad please stop" I said. "No Rachel he's hurt you and I want him out of my house" he breathed out. "Dad, Jesse and I are just friends, I needed a friend" I told him trying to calm him. "Just-" he let out a angry yell that sounded like a grunt. "He's the kind of people that ruin relationships" dad yelled. I gaped at him. "Your dad just runs off with some thirty year old pool boy, because he thinks he loves him" dad yelled. "Please stop, your scaring me" I asked him. Dad turned to me. "Life is scary" he said as he smashed a plate to the ground.

"You're not staying here with your dad on a rampage" Jesse told me when he dragged me back outside because I was frozen with every bad emotion imaginable. "Could you drop me off at Noah's?" I asked quietly. "Of course" he told me

"Thank you, for the ride" I told him. "Anytime, and if you need anything im here" he said. "Bye Jesse" I said as I walked up to the porch of Noah's house. I knocked on the door. Noah's little sister stood there. "Hi Rachel" she smiled. "Hi Patricia is Noah home?" I asked. She smiled and opened the screen door. "Puck! Rachel's here" she screamed down the hall. The floor creaked as puck came out. "What happened babe? didn't do anything did he?" he asked. I shook my head. "My dads are getting a divorce and had a huge fight, many thinks broken and smashed and my dad was on a rampage. I couldn't stay there puck I can't" I cried into him. "It's ok, princess" he cooed. "Oh hi Rachel" his mother said "what happened?" she asked as she came closer hearing me cry. "The dads got into huge fight and are getting a divorce, Rachel's staying here tonight ok mom?" puck more told than asked. "Of course sweetie"

"Here, you can wear this" he said handing me a tee-shirt. "Thank you" I told him slipping down the hall to the bathroom. Sometimes I stayed over because our families knew each other. I changed into the shirt and went back into Noah's room. "Get in Princess" he smiled holding the blanket open. I laughed as I slid in next to him. "So how's our fake dating going with St. Douche?" he asked. "Great" I smiled to myself. "Good hey how should I ask Lauren to prom?" he asked me. "Hmm you should sing it, but not in glee club. Like in lunch or something" I yawned. "Thanks princess"

"Mom told me to wake you up" Patricia smiled at puck. "And mom told me to call the monster's under your bead to come and eat you" he smiled picking her up as she squealed. I laughed as I sat up. He sat her down on the floor and she ran off. "Morning beautiful" puck smiled. "Good morning Noah" I smiled stretching. "So what's on today's agenda?" he asked as we walked to the kitchen. "I don't know Jesse, he was pretty sweet yesterday, I don't know Noah." I said looking down. "Let's make out?" he smiled "Not now Noah" I told him. "Please for puckzilla?" he asked. "We can go to the music store so I can help you pick something out to sing to Lauren" I told him. "Fine by me my little Jew" he smirked.

"Your a hot Jew" his hot breath breathed into my ear. He had me pressed up against him as we kissed. "Enjoy it while it lasts" I giggled into his ear. The coffee smells out ruled all other scents as he pulled me even closer. "Berry" I turned around and the women behind the counter had my order. "Go find a table" I told him as I went to get my coffee. I took it and headed towards Noah, and so was someone else.

I sat next to Noah as he and Jesse talked. I don't think I could think of a more awkward place to be in than this one. I watched as they talked sometimes about music sometimes about sports and most the time about me. This made it even more awkward for me at least. "Well I better get going, nice talking with you Noah" Jesse smiled as he got up and walked away. "What just happened?" I asked "Actually I have no freaking idea"

"Thanks for letting me stay" I said as I stood on his porch. "Anytime princess" he smirked. "Bye" I waved as daddy's pulled into the driveway. "Hi sweetie" he smiled. "Hi" I said buckling myself in. "Your dad's rampage caused some problems" he told me as he drove. "What do you mean by problems?" I asked. "Someone called the police and he's in jail" daddy swallowed. "What?" I asked my voice cracked. "Sweetie, it's okay he can't hurt you and he'll be ok there getting the help he needs" he tried to smile. "So what now daddy?" I asked quietly. "We go home and once your father signs the papers, it's finale" he told me slowly. I nodded, because that's all I could do.

I curled myself up on my bed. My fathers are getting a divorce, my dad is in jail, my ex- beau wants me back, and ,my life is a horrid mess. Part of me wanted to cry until I had no more energy to cry and the other part wanted someone to hold me and tell me it would be ok. I could just go to daddy, but he has enough troubles. I decided to stay curled into my ball.

School seemed to drag itself on, it was finally time for glee. The last class of the day. I walked into The choir room about ten minutes early as I always do to do some warm ups, Except I wasn't the first person there. "What are you doing here?' I ask him. He stood up awkwardly. "I kind of thought over everything, you know us. And I realized you were right and I want us to be together again" he smiled. I looked up at him, he stood a good way above me, and he really was kind of well unintelligent. "I'm Sorry but you're too late Finn. You had months to forgive me and it's too late" I told him shuffling around papers in my hands. "I'm kind of Confused here, you were all over me singing songs, giving me looks and now imp too late?" he asked obviously mad. "Yes why don't you go run off to Quinn? I'm sure she would be more than happy to be with you" I told him moving towards the center seat. "I don't want Quinn. I want you" and with that the bell rang bringing in the rest of the glee members.

I walked uneasily back to my car. The boy I fawned over drooled over and dreamed about wanted me back. But honestly what gives me hope he won't do the same thing over again, it's almost like a pattern with him and I'm not sure I want to keep repeating it. I transferred my books to my other arm as I unlocked my car. I felt my books lighten and then disappear in weight, I turned around. He stood there with my books in his Arms smiling at me. "What are you doing here?" I ask him. He shrugs. "I missed you, and wanted to make sure you were ok" he told me. "Well thank you I can take my books now" I told him as he handed them back to me. "You are ok right? Because you can vent to me if you need to Rachel" he told me. "Im fine, just a little un-easy" I admitted. "About what?" he asked. "Well-"I swallowed and looked at him. "Finn told me he wants me back" I told him. I watched as he tensed up and his hands turned into fists at his sides. "Does he not know when to quit?" he laughed dryly. "Jesse don't start anything" I told him. "Im sorry it's just never mind" he said. I nodded. "You are Ok though? Because not to be offensive but you look like you're an addict. You look tired, and sleepy, and you have circles under your eyes" he pointed out. "I know im just dealing with a lot" I told him. I watched as he studied me. He looked at me head to toe. I watched curiously as he took a step towards me and wrapped his arms around me. "Im always here for you" he whispered. It felt good to be hugged. He looked at me with curious eyes. It was too late before I knew what was happening. He was kissing me, I pulled away. "I can't do this, Jesse please don't. I, us no" I told him hurrying into my car and driving home.

I walked to my locker the next morning and saw Finn waiting there. "Excuse me Finn" I said trying to get to my locker. He didn't move. "Finn please move" I told him getting mad. "Finn Move I need to get to my locker" I told him firmly. He looked at me. "I saw you" he said in a monotone voice. "What?' I asked back as I opened my locker. "I saw you and _him_" he said emphasizing on him. "Who's him?" I asked as I realized what he was saying. He saw Jesse Kissing me. He thinks I'm back together with him. "Finn it's not what you think" I told him. "Yeah sure" he shrugged. "He, I didn't know he was going to that. Jesse and I Aren't dating we aren't anything and neither are _we_, but if you want go like last time and tell everyone that I saw Jesse yesterday and he's going to kill us all!" I said in a mocking tone. "That's not what I meant" he told me. He gave me a smile and took my hand, "It just means I'll have to work harder to win you back" his lopsided smile showing. "Finn i-"but he was already have way down the hallway. I felt like banging my head against the locker.

"What am I supposed to do?" I moaned. "Gurl Do what you do best" she smiled. "Thanks cedes" I grinned as I raised my hand. " I've been working on something and would like to sing it" I smiled. "Alright go ahead" he smiled "the floor is yours"

_My married friends keep asking me_

_When I'll settle down_

_They tell me time is passing_

_And there's not to many good ones still around_

_I tell them I am not afriad to be alone_

_And there's no need to rush into something wrong_

_So I'm not gonna worry_

_No I'm in no hurry_

_It's in the hands of fate_

_There's nothing I can do_

_And it might be tomorrow_

_Or the one that follows_

_Got the rest of my life to look forward to_

_Cause everyday is one day closer to you_

_You might be in Montana_

_Living in the hills_

_Or you might be in Virginia_

_Workin' in a mill_

_All I know is that I haven't found you yet_

_But who knows maybe we've already met_

_So I'm not gonna worry_

_No I'm in no hurry_

_It's in the hands of fate_

_There's nothing I can do_

_And it might be tomorrow_

_Or the one that follows_

_Got the rest of my life to look forward to_

_Cause everyday is one day closer to you_

_Hoah_

_Everyday I pray that God will keep you safe_

_Cause I know your out there somewhere_

_So I'm not gonna worry_

_No I'm in no hurry_

_It's in the hands of fate_

_There's nothing I can do_

_And it might be tomorrow_

_Or the one that follows_

_Got the rest of my life to look forward to_

_Cause everyday is one day closer_

_Yeah everyday is one day closer_

_Everyday is one day closer to you_

_Yeah hoah oh_

"That was great Rachel! Let's bring that kind of emotional depth for regionals!" he laughed as the class hollered and clapped. "Ok guys see you tomorrow remember this week's assignment is what you're feeling!" he yelled out the door behind us. "Hey Rachel!" I heard behind me. I turned around to see Finn lumbering towards me. "I think your song was really great and I kind of already knew you weren't with St. Douche but ok." He smiled. "See you tomorrow" he waved smiling. I walked over to the wall and started banging my head on it.


	13. Chapter 13

Thankfully no one was in the auditorium, I always had Thursdays reserved for myself but I never really knew about the other days. But no one was in here so I ran with the opportunity. I turned on the stage lights, leaving everything else off.

_There were nights when the wind was so cold_

_That my body froze in bed_

_If I just listened to it_

_Right outside the window_

_There were days when the sun was so cruel_

_That all the tears turned to dust_

_And I just knew my eyes were_

_Drying up forever_

_I finished crying in the instant that you left_

_And I can't remember where or when or how_

_And I banished every memory you and I had ever made_

_But when you touch me like this_

_And you hold me like that_

_I just have to admit_

_That it's all coming back to me_

_When I touch you like this_

_And I hold you like that_

_It's so hard to believe but_

_It's all coming back to me_

_(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)_

_There were moments of gold_

_And there were flashes of light_

_There were things I'd never do again_

_But then they'd always seemed right_

_There were nights of endless pleasure_

_It was more than any laws allow_

_Baby Baby_

_If I kiss you like this_

_And if you whisper like that_

_It was lost long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_If you want me like this_

_And if you need me like that_

_It was dead long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_It's so hard to resist_

_And it's all coming back to me_

_I can barely recall_

_But it's all coming back to me now_

_But it's all coming back_

_There were those empty threats and hollow lies_

_And whenever you tried to hurt me_

_I just hurt you even worse_

_And so much deeper_

_There were hours that just went on for days_

_When alone at last we'd count up all the chances_

_That were lost to us forever_

_But you were history with the slamming of the door_

_And I made myself so strong again somehow_

_And I never wasted any of my time on you since then_

_But if I touch you like this_

_And if you kiss me like that_

_It was so long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_If you touch me like this_

_And if I kiss you like that_

_It was gone with the wind_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)_

_There were moments of gold_

_And there were flashes of light_

_There were things we'd never do again_

_But then they'd always seemed right_

_There were nights of endless pleasure_

_It was more than all your laws allow_

_Baby, Baby, Baby_

_When you touch me like this_

_And when you hold me like that_

_It was gone with the wind_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_When you see me like this_

_And when I see you like that_

_Then we see what we want to see_

_All coming back to me_

_The flesh and the fantasies_

_All coming back to me_

_I can barely recall_

_But it's all coming back to me now_

_If you forgive me all this_

_If I forgive you all that_

_We forgive and forget_

_And it's all coming back to me_

_When you see me like this_

_And when I see you like that_

_We see just what we want to see_

_Al coming back to me_

_The flesh and the fantasies_

_All coming back to me_

_I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_And when you kiss me like this_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_And when I touch you like that_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_If you do it like this_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_And if we_

I stared into the spotlight as the tears dripped down my face. I was so lost, about love. About forgiveness, about who I should love, who's right, who's wrong, everything. The good memories I have with Finn, when we sang faithfully, when he told me he loved me. And so many with Jesse, Us singing, having long night discussions about each other's day, Watching musicals, Singing the songs to each other, the love, the hope, our dreams. But with both of them there were equally bad ones, the egging, the lying, sleeping with Santana, Cheating, and betrayal. I closed my eyes tightly. "Rachel?' a voice called in. I snapped my eyes open, he was standing at the in the front row. "I was worried you weren't picking up your phone and your car is still here it's almost five you know that right?" he asked. "This is all your fault" I said stabbing a finger at him. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "You kissed me yesterday and now Finn is trying even harder to win me back! That's the last thing I need right now! Between you and Him it's enough to make me want to give up Men forever" I told him. "You don't really feel that" he smiled. "Yes I do, Finn Thinks he can win me back and I do not want that until I make up my mind, he thinks he can win me back nothing can win me back. I decide if someone can win me back. I decide if I love someone." I nearly yelled. I was panting by the end of my rant. "Ok calm down Rachel this isn't the place to have a diva fit "he told me jumping on to the stage. "I think it's the perfect place, maybe someone's still here so they can hear me roar" I hissed. "Rachel calm down" he told me again, this time wrapping his arms around. "Get off of me" I told him pulling his arms off of me.

"Rachel you need to calm down, Sing about it" he told me offering a smile. "I already did, " I hissed. He made a face, clearly not wanting to hear that nickname from me. "Come on, Rachel we can go get tea I know that calms you down or watch a marathon of Barbra" he suggested. "No, I'm not doing anything with you. You have an equal part in screwing me up" I told him. "I told you what happened Rachel" he told me. I forced out a laugh. "You think explaining makes it better? Makes all the hours of crying go away? Makes the mother hens not want to get revenge on me? Makes me forget that after I found out my own mother doesn't want me that I found out that the Boyfriend I thought I would marry and share my dream with Egged me? Betrayed me?" I asked him. "You thought we would get married?" he asked. "I thought we would grow old and watch our kids keep our legends alive. I had so many dreams for us Jesse. More than you could imagine. And then you did that, you funkified us, and egged me burning those dreams alive" I hissed at him.

"Do you remember the another one bites the dust performance?" he asked me, I snorted. "Like it was yesterday" I told him. "Do you remember that look I gave you?" he asked. "Yeah I'm pretty sure everyone saw that look" I scoffed at him. "That was the first time since I was born, that my show face fell off. Seeing you watch us, Broke me. That was another thing I knew I would have to make up to you somehow" he told me. We sat on the edge of the stage next to each other, I refused to face him, and he refused to leave me alone. "Sure." I offered. "Honest Rachel, you know I did try to force them to allow me to ask you to join, so we could be the power couple I dreamed off. But they, Giselle threatened everyone that if she lost her spot she would do some pretty nasty things to you even worse than egging" he said shaking his head.

"Bye Rachel" he smiled as I got into my car. "Bye" I replied. "I'll be dreaming about you" he smiled. I shut my door. I gave a little sarcastic wave and pulled out of the lot; before I let the tears I was holding in finally explode out.

As soon as I hit the safety of my house I locked and shut the front door. I slid down to the ground letting my head fall on to my knees. I heard the doorbell ring. "Rachel it's me" he said. Like I would open it because he said that. "I know you can hear me please open up" he begged. "I'm not leaving Rachel you know I don't give up" he said I sighed and folded my arms. "I'll stand here all day Rachel" he said. I sighed and opened the door a crack. "What" I asked him as I tear fell on my shoe. "Did you think I would leave you alone in one of your diva fits? Never" he said. "Leave me alone" I told him. "I'll never leave you alone" he said reaching for the door. "I'll call the police" I threatened him. "No you won't your morals are too pure" he told me. "You don't know me I changed St. James you have too" I told him. "I know I have I saw my mistakes, I grew up, matured, and I came back to fix them and make it right" he told me. "And you've changed because you swore me to the deepest pits of hell to burn into a million ashes and wished me never to accomplish my dream. You swore off anyone but Finn and Puck. You're more protective of yourself. But your still the Rachel I fell in love with" he said. I felt like when I told Finn off telling him he was a scared little boy, and he said I was inside his head except now the roles were reversed.

"Lovely speech but you're not coming in to my house" I told him firmly. "I figured just as much" he sighed, I looked at him confused. "Rachel I explained what I could to you, I'm In love with you, everything about draws me in, your sweaters, your hair, the strawberry shampoo, your attitude, your compassion, and overall you. And I just want to help you, I want to be near you, I'll even accept you as just a friend. I'll do anything for you" he said giving me a little smile. I'm sorry I just can't" I told him shutting the door, he stuck his fingers blocking the door from closing, and I wasn't about to crush and break and of his fingers. As enduring as it sounds. He pried the door all the way opened with his fingers still in the door and me trying to keep it shut. His face softened as he looked me over, I crossed my arms. "I can take care of myself" I told him. "I'm aware, but I'm still not leaving" he told me. I frowned. "Why? You've explained everything you've needed to, I forgive you and such. Now please just go" I told him. "Because of a few factors, like you haven't forgiven me, and that I have a feeling you never will. And I'm willing to work out this relationship Rachel" he told me. "Well there isn't a relationship to work out" I hissed at him.

"Just honestly Rachel why have you not forgiven me, it was more than a year ago, you've forgiven Hudson more times than he deserves, you have forgiven everyone instantly, expect me. Why?" he asked me. I threw my hands up. "Don't you get it? Why don't you understand this Jesse! Do I have to spell it out for you?" I asked him, he stood there. "I Loved you, There I said it, I loved you and you did that. That's why I forgive everyone except you instantly because the one I loved hurt and betrayed me. It hurt and at one point I never thought I would be ok again. And I really think you should leave now" I told him. He stood there for a moment before walking down the porch. I shut the door and locked it quickly. And once again fell to the bottom of the door crying.


	14. Chapter 14

I felt the door behind me move; I quickly crawled away from it. Letting whoever it was in. "Rachel? Why are you sitting on the ground? Were you, crying?" daddy asks me, I don't respond, he quickly collects me into a hug. "I don't know if this is about your father and I or boys or glee club, but everything is ok baby." He tries to soothe me, "I'm just, it's so confusing!" I exclaim, he smiles softly at me, "come on" he says standing up offering his hand, I take it. Not asking any questions.

He sits me down at the kitchen table and pulls out notebook paper and a pen. "What are you doing?" I question him, "You'll see, now who is my baby crying about?" he asks me, "Jesse" I mumble, he nods and writes something down. "What did Jesse do?" he says, "Well, you know about last year with him. Well this year I was getting notes from an anonymous person in my locker. They were the sweetest notes, it said just what I needed to hear and over time I really trusted this person, they understood me, and I really liked the person. Then I found out it was Jesse and everything was in a whirl wind. We're trying to be friends but he kissed me and Finn saw and now Finn's trying to get me back and so is Jesse and I don't need it from both ends when it's already so confusing. Today I kind of diva-ed out on him and he followed me back here and he wouldn't leave until I told him why I haven't forgiven him, so I did" she informs her father, taking a dramatic pause. "Which is?" he asks, "I loved him, Finn was merely a crush, an image if you will. But Jesse, he knew me, understood me in a way no one else did. We had so much in common and yet I'd learn something new about him all the time. It's why I can't forgive him, I trusted him and he broke my heart"

"I see, so did you feel as if you were falling in love with the person who was sending you the notes, before you knew it was Jesse?" he questions me, "yes" I confess, "Then why is it different when you know it's Jesse? You two have a bad past, but it isn't all bad. I mean you two have fun times too right? So why sacrifice all the good for the bad?" he asks me sympathetically, "Daddy, it's just not that easy! Who says the bad won't keep happening? My future with him isn't clear and certain" I exclaim, "No relationship ever is, it's a risk it is. But it might be a risk you want to take."

I couldn't sleep. No matter which way I turned no spot was comfortable. What if daddy was right? What if I should try harder to forgive Jesse? He made a huge effort to even talk to me, it was a little stalkerish at first but it was sweet. No one had ever made that big of effort to talk to me. He doesn't have ill intensions; he came back to Ohio for me. He's been sincere, he's only tried to help, he never forced himself on me, he's been nothing but a gentleman, he's cared about, he's been there for me, we have the most interesting and fun conversations, maybe it isn't that big of risk after all. I'll have to call him in the morning, no a call is too mechanical. I'll go to his house; I still know where it is. I smile to myself, and fall right asleep.

I leave right away in the morning, getting dressed, using the bathroom, and bidding daddy goodbye for the day. I quickly made it to the St. James household. The huge, towering homestead loomed on the property. I parked my car and got out, taking strides to the door. The doorknocker has a gargoyle on it, I pick it up and let it drop, making a loud noise. The door opens a minute later to an older woman with brown curls framing her face, Jesse's mom. "Hi, I'm Rachel Berry, is Jesse home?" I ask conjuring up the most polite tone I can. "No" she replies stiffly, "Oh, do you know when he'll be home?" I ask her with a hopeful smile. "Never, He said something about New York and something about someone being better off I don't know he didn't give me much information." The woman shrugs, "Thank you .James" I say, giving her a smile and leaving her porch.

I sit numbly in the parking lot on a McDonalds. He's gone. Why would he leave? Just disappear? Who would be better off without him? who could be better off without him? He never cared much for his family so it couldn't be any of them, maybe a friend? Or a- No. No that would be stupid. Why would he think I'd be better off without him? Maybe because you yelled at him and blamed him for things that he didn't really do a voice in the back of my mind says. I let another round of tears come out.

I enter my house feeling numb, empty, like a shell. Why didn't I just forgive him sooner?! I didn't and now he's gone. He's gone and I won't see him ever again. And I'll die alone or worse with Finn. I'd just have to deal with the surprising heartbreak silently, make no one think he's gone. So Finn won't try to make a move, I'll win regionals and then nationals and just go on. It's all I can do. It's what Jesse would want me to do.

I decide to call daddy and tell him I'm not feeling well and couldn't go to school today after all. He was very understanding and let me be. But not before offering up some remedies. I sat numbly in my room, I tried to keep my eyes focused on the TV. I could feel his presence everywhere in here. Even down to the pink hairbrush he once dueted with me with. i refused to use my own bathroom, I use the one down the hall now. I covered up my bedazzled cd player. It was hard enough to lie in my bed without thinking of him, of his body hovering inches above mine, or his lips passionately moving in sync with mine. I was watching some mindless TV show because musicals could be dangerous too. I start to think about how he and I would sing along to every musical we watched together, and another round of tears appear out of nowhere.

I hear a ginger knock on the door and my daddy creeps in. "hi rachie, how you feeling?" he asks sitting on the edge of my bed. "like a hollow human being" I reply dryly, "Oh honey what happened?" he asks taking my hand. "I decided last night that I should go this morning to je- his house. His mother answered the door and she told me he left. He's, he's gone. He went to New York and it's because of me. he thought I'd be better off without him! I made him leave, he left because of me and I decided I wanted him back after it was too late! I've lost him forever!" I exclaim, sobs racking my chest, I feel my daddy pull me into his arms, trying to soothe me. but there was only one pair of arms that could stop my tears. And they were currently in New York.

* * *

_Authors note: sorry this chapter's kind of short but don't fret, Rachel's not going to be dependent on a man like this. This isn't a story about finchel. She's just dramatic. Thanks for reading!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Rachel**

I smile at myself in my car mirror before I get out the next morning. I can pull this off, I am a triple threat after all. If anyone asks me where I was yesterday I've already decided that I was at court yesterday with my fathers. News travel fast around the school so everyone already new about their divorce, probably even the custody battle that's raging on right now. But one thing no one except my daddy and I are going to know is that je- he's gone. For the sake of myself everyone needs to think he's still here. Especially Finn. I listen to my shoes click against the tile floor as I enter McKinley. The halls are still pretty empty and it's a relief. I quickly grab my books and head to my first class. I just have to act like I'm not dealing with the heartbreak of a lifetime. For a seasoned actress like myself it should be easy.

I make it to lunch without any major interaction with my fellow glee clubbers. This will be the first test of my ability to hold myself together. The glee kids all have lunch together. I join Kurt and artie at the glee table, I sit next to kurt in hopes Mercedes will take the other open seat next to me. "Where were you yesterday? Not that we missed you criticizing us but overall your presence was missed" he explains, "I was at court with my dads, I was there until six, it barely gave me enough time to practice my singing and have time for my night time routine" I exclaim, "I hate when Finn tries to rush my in the bathroom, this-" he pauses waging his finger at his face, "-doesn't just happen. He wouldn't know the difference between cement and moisturizer if it killed him" he huffs, I smile to myself, he's buying it. "Luckily I have my own bathroom, you should ask your dad for one." I offer up, "that's actually a good idea" he mumbles trailing off into thought.

I feel someone's presence beside me and I hope it's not Finn. "how's my little jew princess?" I smile in relief as I turn to noah, "I'm well, thank you noah. How are you?" I ask him, dropping a grape into my mouth. "Good, why weren't you here yesterday? Is it daddy drama?" he asks, his voice dropping down to a whisper, I solemnly nod. "I was in court with them" I lie, he sighs. "If you ever need a place to crash the puckerman's door is always open for his favorite jew" he smiles gently at me, it's actually really sweet. "Thank you noah" I smile, and not a fake smile like I've been doing all day. It's a real one. "Puck, hey can we switch sits?" I look up to see Finn standing next to noah, "You snooze you lose" he replies, causing finn to frown. "Come on" he whines, "Fine don't bitch about it." Noah throws up his hand picking his tray up, I inwardly groan. "Hey rach" he smiles at me, "Hello finn" I smile back tightly. "So I was thinking maybe you and I could see a movie tonight or something" he offers, "I can't, Jesse and I are practicing together tonight" I lie, I hope bringing up jesse enough will cause him to back off, even though we're not together and he's not even in ohio. "Come on rach, we haven't hung out in forever. I miss you" he smiles at me, "I can't, I have plans with jesse."

"Why do you keep bothering with him Rachel? He doesn't love you like I do! He only likes your voice" he exclaims, his hands going into a fist. "Oh, so you mean like the entire glee club?" I retort, "No one will love like I do" he states, someone did love me, but I kept pushing him away. "When then, that's a relief" I quip, before taking my brown bag and leaving the lunch table. I shouldn't have pushed jesse away, he was just trying to help. And now he's gone. I wander into the choir room, setting my lunch down on the top of the piano. He was just trying to help. I sigh in spite of myself. Stupid life lessons. Why does life try to teach you lessons when they're as dramatic and heartbreaking as this?

I toss my brown bag into the trashcan, and return to the piano bench. Just running my fingers across the ebony keys. Jesse was a fluent piano player. He once told me he was going to teach me how to play but we never got around to it. "Ok, berry. What's up?" my head snaps up to see Noah breezing into the room, "Excuse me?" I ask him confused; he roughly pulls a choir chair away from the bunch and drags it over to me, abruptly sitting down. "You've been acting weird. I'm not stupid like everyone thinks I am. Now, seriously what's wrong?" he asks me, I look down at my hands. Could I really trust noah? As he would put it we are fellow jews. "Come on, you can trust the old puckasourus" he smiles, I release a deep breath. "Ok. It's about Jesse" I admit, "What about him? you two have been hanging out all week, it's all Finn can talk about" he asks me, "Well, you see we haven't been hanging out all week. We haven't even been hanging out. He isn't even in Ohio" I voice, "what?" he furrows his brow trying to understand. "Last week I went off on him, the ultimate diva fit. All he was trying to do was help! And I pushed him away, and I pushed too hard this time and he left thinking I'd be better off without him. How could he even think that? I mean my actions would prove a reason but he knows I'm dramatic as times! " I cry out, I feel Noah take my hand. "How'd you find out he left?" he softly asks, "His mother. The night before I decided that I did love him and I was going to tell him. so I went to his house and his mother told me he was gone and never coming back."

"How do you know he won't come back?" Noah wonders out loud, "His mother told me" I inform him. "But isn't that the thing about love? There's that saying, if you love something let it go and if it doesn't come back it wasn't your to begin with. If 's is smart he'll come running back for you" he assures me, "you really think so?" I worry, "I know so, you're a pretty cool girl berry. isn't going to let you out of his sight that easily" he smiles at me, "when did you become the love doctor?" I tease him, "since I became friends with the most dramatic person alive" he quips, causing me to laugh for the first time in a long while. "You won't tell anyone right?" I ask him, "I promise"

**Mercedes**

Where the hell did puck run off to? We were supposed to have lunch together, he asked me out and now he's now run off somewhere. I finish my lunch and wander down the hallways trying to find his sorry ass. I stop short a couple of doors from the choir room, ease dropping. "-He left thinking I'd be better off without him. how could he even think that? I mean my actions would prove a reason but he knows I'm dramatic at times" the crying voice belongs to rachel. I hold my breath, listening on. "How'd you find out he left?" puck. He went after berry, my heart softens towards him. He and rachel had a bond, but it wasn't romantic , it was a family bond that they created over being Jewish. "His mother, the night before I decided that I did love him and I was going to tell him. so I went to his house and his mother told me he was gone and never coming back" she says through her tears, damnit This boy can't get his shit together for anything! Rachel Was crazy over him, anyone could tell that, well apparently except for both of them. "How do you know he won't come back" puck asks trying to be positive, "His mother told me" she states in a solemn voice, "But isn't that the thing about love? There's that saying, if you love something let it go and if it doesn't come back it wasn't yours to begin with. If is smart he'll come running back for you" puck tries to stay optimistic for her, "You really think so?" her voice full of hope, "I know so, you're a pretty cool girl berry, isn't going to let you out of his sight that easily" his voice teasing, I turn on my heel and head back to the cafeteria so they don't see me. As soon as schools over I'm calling him and asking him what the hell is wrong with him and to get his ass back here.

I felt really bad for rachel, I mean her life is one big drama. Everyone kept telling finn to back off, give her room to breathe. But the tree kept pushing; personally I don't know how he even passes each grade. He's given the poor girl a shit load of stress, I mean jesse probably gave her some stress too but he wasn't pushing her. He was just there for her. Then her parents' whole divorce drama. She must be a mess. I've never been close to rachel because of our diva differences but maybe I could put it aside and be her friend. Because if anyone needs a friend it's her.

**Jesse**

I walked into the obviously congested airport. This was it. I was going Back To UCLA to finish my studies and then head to new York. I kept my eyes focused on my current destination, security. It wasn't my favorite thing, it took too long and the occasional overly excited security woman who "Accidently" grope you. I slipped off my shoes and did the necessary things. Security goes faster than usually due to the quantity of works on shift today. I sling my bag back over my shoulder and carry on. I glance down at the watch on my wrist, I still have half an hour till they board my flight. Minds well relax, I take a seat near where my flight will be boarding. Once I left this airport there could be no looking back, no regrets. What I'm doing is for the best. We'll both focus on our studies and if in the future things work out so be it. But things feeling so forced lately, I decided this couldn't be right. Not by a long shot. I couldn't keep trying to persuade her into going on dates with me, and watch her with other men. It hurt too much anymore. I know she's hurting too, maybe not from me but from her dads, their divorce has been killing her. I hope she's fine, and isn't affected by my leaving. And id she is, maybe she'll hurt for a couple of days. But then I'll just be a faint memory, on the brink of not being sure I'm actually real or not.

I tap my foot impatiently, I still had ten minutes. I decide to just screw it and go sit on the plane. "Boarding pass?" a rosy cheeked old woman asks me, she reminds me of my grandma. If I had one. Or knew them at least. "I've just got to pull it up" I inform her, unlocking my iphone and touching the safari button, only to have rachel's rendition of don't rain on my parade start playing. I recorded this at sectionals my senior year. Close it and find the boarding pass fuck up. But I can't find my strength to. "I can't do this" I sigh, "do what honey?" the woman asks gently. "I'm Sorry, I uh I must have the flight times wrong" I lie, it almost seems like she nods knowingly. "Perfectly fine, have a nice day sweetie" she smiles, I nod briefly at her before turning around. How could I think leaving would be this easy? As fate would have it, I can't. I just can't even physically bring myself to leave this damn state. I'll have to figure something out, I can't go back home. Not a chance. I'll rent an apartment in east bumfuck and just lay low and sort things out for a while. Until I figure out what the hell I'm doing.

* * *

Sorry about all the changing POVs but i felt it needed it. Hope you enjoyed it!


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